Putting a DOG before a child? ABIU??

Magpie ...Whilst you're at the party, to anyone who enquires tell them exactly why your daughter and gchild aren't there, and how difficult you found this arrangement.

That isn't at all ungrateful or rude. It is just straightforward. Especially if you don't go in for aggressive words or looks.

If you feel like putting it into writing afterwards to the hosts I would do so.

Luckily your gchild is too young to understand or feel upset about this.
In my view his mother should get a baby sitter and go too.

I will say nothing. Gransnetters who know me will be in no doubt as to what I might say!

Please admire my forbearance!

Hmm very strange. I am leaning more to the hosts simply don’t want young children there and blaming it on the dog ?.

As much as I love my animals. If I felt that anyone - and I mean anyone- not just a child was in any sort of danger from my dog I would put the dog elsewhere! Not specify who would be ok and who wouldn’t. Think the dog is being used as a scapegoat tbh

Good point Tedber! Maybe they don't want young kids there at all!

People should have to pass a test before owning dogs. So many folk have no idea how to train. A dog biting is very serious and it should have been stopped when it started. I am also fed op of people using a short lead and the dog dragging them along and the very long lead using twits who have no control at all over whether the dog runs under a car. A well mannered dog walk to the left of the owner and to heel. Never a problem then.

Of course, Magpie1959, if there will be lots of people at the party might you consider suggesting they hire a venue rather than having it home? The dog would have to stay home alone then ?

OP,

You are not the hostess of the party, it is not held at our place.
You are just a guest who is invited and is not happy with the conditions of the party (dog and 3 y.o. gc not invited)
This party is organized so NZ relatives meet the family and socialize, not for your 3 y.o. gc to meet those relatives.

You can choose to go - if you fear for your safety, which I don't blame you-, don't go.
I am sure plenty of other guests may not feel comfortable with the with the dog and may talk to your cousin.

I would not want to go, they better hope the dog doesn't bite anyone. The animal is not going to like alot of strange people milling around. Mind you not surprised at all. Typical dog owners, I'm sorry to say but most put their dogs before anything nowadays.

I'm with 'notanan', you might have an opinion but it's up to people what they do in their own home and with their own pets. People these days often exclude small children from parties and/or weddings because small children can be disruptive and get into trouble. As others have said, it's up to the OP to make her/their own decision - go and accept with good grace the decision of the party host or don't go and decide what is the best way to explain your absence. Consideration of the latter might include that overt and unpleasant disagreement over a matter of opinion can have long term repercussions.

I admire your forbearance Lucky girl!

I think I would be inclined to make my excuses and arrange a different date when your DD and DGS can come too.

Well I won't be popular but it is the DOG's home

Magpie - surely you could look after your grandson for half the time so your daughter can go and meet everyone and then relieve you for the second half of the party so you can go. That seems a fair answer.

I don't think she is putting the dog before the child.
She puts the dog in kennels when her own grandchildren visit so she puts them first then and manages the dog at the same time. In my opinion she is a responsible dog owner who doesn't want to put herself out for this particular child but has still ensured the child's safety and not put her dog in a situation which could put it at risk.
Basically she puts her own grandchildren before the dog but your grandchild, while she still has acted responsibly by not inviting him and thus keeping him safe, isn't her priority.

Arrange a get together with the NZ relatives and invite her, but strictly no dog!

Well said NannyWaffles. A truly irresponsible dog owner wouldn't even consider the welfare or safety of a small child. They'd just let the dog loose without warning!

Anyone who keeps a dog that is liable to bite people is crazy. A dog bite can be extremely serious and dogs regularly kill people. I have four dogs of my own and I adore them, but I wouldn't hesitate if they bit a stranger let alone my grandchildren. I believe that every dog is allowed one bite, but I wouldn't risk it. Why would someone want to keep a dog like that?

Anyone who knows their dog is liable to bite is totally irresponsible inviting a lot of strangers into the dog's territory. I would avoid for that reason alone. Dogs in those kind of situations can be very stressed and liable to revert to aggression.

Your cousin is being highly unreasonable, not you. The dog should be restrained during the party as it could bite anyone, let alone a child.

It's up to the owner if she wants to put her dog before a child.
You can't dictate what she should do, but I wouldn't want to go because I'd be nervous anyway.

Magpie1959, however you feel it is the choice of the host who they invite. It's not just your grandchild that's not going but also her own so possibly she just doesn't want young children there.
Children can sometimes unknowingly, be a bit of a pest to animals and it wouldn't be fair to the dog if they caused it to snap.
If you're not happy with the ground rules then stay away & babysit, otherwise go, have a lovely time & don't be a trouble causer.

No Magpie I have 3 pedigree champion showdogs who when my grandchildren come either go outside or are kept in the kitchen and please remember these are very friendly dogs. My grandchildren love them they like to get to pet them every time they come one is 4 years old the other is 20 months.
So I can only conclude that your cousin does not want either you or your grandchild there as it is not so hard just to put the dog out for a short space of time. What does your cousin do with the dog if she is going away out of the house for any length of time?

Sitting firmly on the fence here, is it an elderly very much loved dog who can't go into kennels (there are many reasons why some cant) and does small child have a history of winding up the little dog? Are the small child's parents going? What do they think? Will the small child be very sad at missing the party? Are the NZ relatives going to really miss seeing small child at the party? I know that my now deceased little dog would have hated a party at our house, was scared of little children, fur pulling eye poking etc. But he wasn't able to go into kennels, ( so we didn't have parties) I am most interested in the child's parents views?

I am a dog lover, and when I have a dog, I am as soppy over it as any other dog lover.

However, if I knew my dog was nervous/territorial/liable to bite, then for the dog's sake, I wouldn't have it there at a large gathering, which it could find stressful - leading to it being more likely to bite. All those extra people, extra noise, it's safe home being over-run by what sounds like a lot of strangers (strangers to the dog, that is). It would be highly stressful for the dog.

For that reason, I would either not host, or would find alternative care for the dog for the day.

I think there's something underlying the cousin's refusal to compromise so that the 3 year old can attend - although the point still stands that if the dog is territorial and liable to bite, then all guests are at risk.

But as has already been pointed out further up the thread - it's not like the New Zealand family won't have a further opportunity to meet the three year old - presumably it's an all-inclusive family and the child will be at the wedding.

I'd not make a huge song and dance about it. And I'd certainly not be trying to stir up trouble amongst the other guests by saying why the child wasn't at the party.