AIBU to expect the same?

I have hearing aids and I'm married to a mutterer!

We now just laugh about it. I always tell people that I'm hard of hearing, I'm not ashamed.
Before I had aids it was awful when everyone was talking and I couldn't follow anything that was said.

Thing is, those who think they have gotten through life scot free, enjoy it while you can because it can all crash down when you least expect it lol. My only bug bear so far is floaters in my eyes, apparently my eyesight is fine but its the medication I've been on for years can make it worse, hate those wee squiggles I get when I'm looking at something bright, but know I'm pretty darn lucky, but with my Mum, one minute she was cruising through life, the next, diabetes, arthritis, depression, and partial deafness, and they really don't know why everything seemed to hit at once out of the blue, just called it 'old age problems!' But she used to laugh and say 'Ahh well, gives me something to whinge about with me mates!' lol.

Nonnie , hearing tests are free at various places, but very few GPS will refer you for free hearing aids. It’s not an absolute right for over 55s.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My hearing is OK but I have a mutterer too. He will insist on muttering to me as he is walking out of the room with his back towards me when there is all sorts if background noise.

I am afraid OP that this is fairly typical male behaviour. No, from a female point of view you are not being unreasonable, but good luck convincing your dear husband of that!

I wouldn't keep repeating. My husband has to be told everything four times as doesn't remember. I say now no I'm not repeating. It's a consequence of him sitting motionless 24/7 watching TV and sleeping. I've given up.

Best advice we were given was "if you can't see my ears I can't hear you."
It is frustrating though and puts a stress on our relationship with the irritation and loss of those little moments that loose meaning on repetition.

Sadly many of the male of the species expect us to put ourselves out while not expecting to do anything extra themselves. Yes, I think you're expecting too much because ... well, he's male; and no, I don't think you're expecting too much because your both human beings and should have the same respect for each other and not 'tut' when you're asked to do something the other one's been doing for ages.

I am profoundly deaf and worn hearing aids since I was four. Today hearing aids have come a long way and those on the nhs are much improved to what they used to be like. I am fortunate to be able to afford private hearing aids that are able to be fine tuned to suit the wearer but you will never have the ability to hear as well as a hearing abled person. Thinking about my growing up I realise how much you miss out not hearing. I remember at school when each person in class was asked to read an extract from a book out loud and when it came to my turn I never knew what page we were supposed to be on to continue the reading. As you get older and your friends are learning to be more empathetic towards you not hearing and being part of conversations and realising you cannot follow the group. You learn to not to ask people to repeat what they have said as it makes their lives easier and I can understand their frustrations as I get frustrated not hearing but there is not a lot you can do but let things just go. I had speech training when I was young and my husband says he just cannot tell when I wear the aids that I am deaf. I have missed an enormous chunk out of my life in education and social settings due to not hearing and this world is just not able to cope with deafness if they are constantly asked to look at you and speak clearer. I am pretty good at lip reading and the brain is a marvellous organ that can patch words you don’t hear if you know what subject you are talking about. My dad was deaf but refused to wear hearing aids due to his work and noise but oh how I understand how difficult it was to get him to hear. I have been in situations where I have asked someone to repeat something and recognise the change in body behaviour and eyes roll and the patronising raising of the voice. Just saying that even if you are wearing hearings you will not hear as well as a hearing person and the bombardment of background noises to contend with. I do empathise with those who struggle with trying to talk to their other halves who I think are probably grouchy possibly? I’m not making excuses but they are missing out a whole chunk in their lives sitting in the background not hearing. I will add I have managed good jobs apart from the phone which I struggle with But I do have Bluetooth on my hearing aids now! and friends who respect my lack of hearing and get by. I suppose it’s harder for those who lose their hearing later in life as I know no different and adapted. Loop system, subtitles etc are brilliant now.

My DH and I both have reduced hearing these days. As it happens our lifestyle suits it fine. We have separate bedrooms and separate sitting areas, and mostly communicate via a chat app. Three times a week we set aside time to spend together and largely spend the time having a pint and either listening to music or talking a load of nonsense that doesn't matter if you can understand it or not. When I first met him he enunciated very clearly and loudly, you could hear him in a crowded pub. But from about a year before he developed epilepsy he became very quiet and stopped opening his mouth much when he talked. Sadly even after medication worked on the seizures he had lost the habit of speaking clearly.

Anyonr think it is that they feel old and stupid? My husband has hearing loss from the Air Force and now that he has hearing aids it really helps. He can get irritated when he can't hear me but I try to put himself in his shoes. It is hard for both of us. We can over all of the male stereotypes but I try not to go there.

I have to keep repeating things to DH as his short term memory is bad and sometimes he forgets what I have said as soon as I say it . I sometimes feel myself getting stressed over this?

Yehbutnobut and Springychicken - oh yes! With you on that one - talk about double standards.

Yehbutnobut , no you’re not being unreasonable. He is.
Good luck.

YANBU

Could try not begging him to repeat and speak clearly until he gets fed up with his requests being "ignored" because he never made sure you could hear them first time!

Mine wont even admit he needs his checked!

My father was completely deaf in one ear and wore a hearing aid in the other. He had the aid in the 1940s when they were obviously less good and less directional than they are now. I learned as a child to speak clearly, fairly loudly and look at him whilst doing so.

After years of having people tell me I’m loud, at last, with friends and family becoming increasingly hard of hearing, this is reaping rewards! My early training makes me so much easier to talk to than many others and my increasingly deaf circle of friends can chat to me quite easily!

I’m sorry about the situation with your husband. I think you should ask him to put his aid in immediately when he wakes. He can obviously take it out again to shower or whatever.
How frustrating!

As regards your own hearing, do you think it’s maybe losing just certain frequencies? That certainly happened to my mother-in-law. She was lucky in that she could afford a more “personalised” aid and it makes a massive difference, apparently by augmenting the frequencies she was missing. She, like you, could hear most people most of the time.
Just a thought.

I struggled on for the best part of a year with NHS hearing aids. Then I went to Boots where I have been well looked after and the difference is amazing. I’m happy to wear them all the time. They’re connected to my phone and I can adjust them using the app. Also they’re rechargeable so no problems with batteries. The downside of course is the cost. I pay monthly and it’s interest free at least. I can also get a check up whenever necessary. My hearing is still not perfect but so very much better. I no longer wear my hair up!

I have had problems with my left ear all my life; mastoid problems. A miracle operation in 2010 has restored a lot of the hearing, but l know what it is like not to be able to hear properly. To this day l love hearing the sound when l walk through Autumn leaves as l missed out on it for so long. I am also good at lip reading. My husband is very hard of hearing and rarely wears his hearing aid (he really needs two). He says people will see he has a disability. I retort that he has worn glasses most of his life and he has agreed that if he loses any more teeth he will have to have a plate so why are hearing aids any different? Grr.

As a man I too could have written this post. she has the aids but won’t wear the damn things, drives me totally bonkers when I am told not to speak so loudly but when she mutters into her book I am expected to hear every word. The ear bloke at Boots reckons I will need a hearing aid in a couple of years, at which point I will go to the NHS [assuming it still exists then] and get my ears tested professionally again

OMG this is so our life!! My husband is a mutterer and mumbles...so exasperating. I NEVER have any problems exchanging conversation with others. He is on cancer treatment and his deafness and memory are getting worse. When he's mumbling I shout I CANT HEAR YOU, but he doesn't hear me.Lol It's like a comedy act repeated hourly!!

I`ve had hearing problems with 1 ear, since becoming disabled with a neurological problem. A hearing aid didn't help.

I constantly ask for things to be repeated and try to watch faces for clues.

Now hubby is losing his hearing...probably due to ageing..he`s 71...will he go for a hearing test? Will he hummer! Stubborn like a lot of men!

We have had a few funny moments with misheard things but my favourite was a year or two ago we had been watching a programme about the well-known (in the music teaching world) piano teacher Fanny Waterman. The next morning my husband said "that piano teacher was rather a tartar, wasn't she? What was her name again, Annie Waterman?" "No," l replied, "Fanny Waterman." "Emma Waterman?" "FANNY Waterman." "Hannah Waterman?" "FANNY WATERMAN. F-A-N-N-Y FANNY." "Musicgirl, there's no need to shout and what would the neighbours think if they heard you shouting out Fanny?"

Many of these posts could be us! My dad has hearing aids but won’t wear them, my husband knows he needs a hearing test but wont go as he doesn’t want hearing aids, and my hearing is very good (for my age!) BUT I do get rather exasperated by being misheard by either my dad or my husband or (worse) being ignored or misinterpreted by either of them.

Not good for anyone, and I recently read in a leading medical journal that untreated hearing loss can make people much more isolated and more prone to dementia like symptoms.

Lots of good advice on this thread, and I’m sure I’ll feel more tolerant now towards my family and their hearing issues. ?

Oh how good it is to know the Royal We are not alone! We have had some interesting conversations, e.g. "has the post been?", replied with "I said I didn't want toast!" I've worn bilateral hearing aids for almost 10 years, but he refuses to get tested, despite his gp saying she was surprised he could hear anything with that amount of wax in his ears! Ears syringed, £30 each ear, as our gp practice won't do them, but he is still denying he can't hear! Do you think we should share my hearing aids in the interests of survival?