.. to wonder what happened to manners?

I remember being with my father when he held a door open for someone, but when there was no acknowledgement he said 'pardon?' The other person said 'I didn't say anything', to which my father said 'oh I thought you said thank you!' Glad to say the offender looked embarrassed.

In Scotland we have a saying: 'You are either brought up or dragged up.' Clearly, they belong to the latter. There is no grey in the middle. My Grandmother always said that good manners were the passport to life.

Annaram1. Many years ago - possibly 40, I went to my older Cousin's house to deliver Christmas presents to their two children aged 8 and 10. I was a student I think. The mother said they were playing upstairs and would I like to go up and see them. They were doing something on the floor so I sat down with them and started to chat. They have known me since their birth and I had babysat them regularly since then. They completely blanked me. I could not inveigle a single word from either of them. The girl was usually so loquacious, one had trouble getting a word in. They just cast strange smiles and looks at each other as if very pleased about something. I was extremely disconcerted. Eventually I actually asked why they were not speaking to me, it was most unlike them. Still no reply but these satisfied smiles at each other. So I put their presents beside them and went away. They did not say thank you, not then or after Christmas. That was the last Christmas I gave them anything.

Both grew up to be very unpleasant adults, one very selfish indeed to a pathological level the other with many problems and difficulties including getting on the wrong side of the law. Their parents, as far as I can tell, were just normal. Why were their children like this? I have no clear idea.

But it would make an interesting thread: aberrant children of decent parents, how many have you known? I have met another family the same and heard of others from my friends.

Have to say, we moved down here to Exeter in Devon 8 years ago. It seems to me that people down here are far more polite than they were in London. Don't think I've ever held the door and not got an acknowledgement, even if it's just a smile. Or am I just lucky? We don't live in the centre of town, just on the outskirts so perhaps it's better in small communities?

Would like to add, I've noticed that when I get the bus to town, everybody who gets off thanks the driver. How sweet is that!

Evie64. I find a great difference in Nottingham having worked in London. I think people in London are just so crowded and rushed and there are so many strangers that they do not feel an identity with their community any more. There is a kind of anxiety and rush to get what you need and get home in London. Everything is so difficult, getting from A to B is fraught with obstacles, people feel threatened.

Here it's a smaller city with a wonderful character, people from every corner of the globe and every Carnival, Fair, or Celebration happens with joy, making it such a colourful and well-integrated place. Even driving is easier here than in the area around London. People are more courteous and thoughtful. I chose to live here because of the people.

Evie64. Here in Glasgow all the locals thank the driver when leaving the bus. That's my definition of a Glaswegian.

When I catch the bus to my nearest town we all say thank you to the driver when we get off including me

I live in rural Devon and I always thank the bus driver, as do most other passengers, why wouldn't you?
Some children are bad mannered, but I often see thoughtfulness and good manners from local children and holidaymakers. They'll stand back or go into single file to let me pass on a narrow pavement, and perhaps pull a younger child or a dog out of my path. And of course I always smile and thank them - if we don't thank children but behave as if we expect to be deferred to, they're not going to learn manners.

And while the boot is on the other foot, as it were, I sometimes see adults in a shop queue ignoring children in front of them, who are not with an adult but are queuing to pay and having trouble being seen over the counter. It's not just older people who sometimes feel invisible.

We all thank the bus driver here, too! However, I do think people are not as polite as they once were. I have had doors let go in my face, people barging into me, and stood like a lemon holding a door for someone who swept past without a glance. I might add I even stepped off the pavement for the local vicar, as I was walking my dog and he was laden with shopping bags and, standing in the gutter as I was, he swept past without a glance. I have actually called after a person 'Think nothing of it - oh, clearly you don't!' when I held a shop door back for them, but that sailed straight over their head as well. Obviously far too important a person, and probably just saw me as a doorstop.

I think (some) people are so focused on themselves, they fail to be aware of what’s around them. Children on scooters in supermarkets, people blocking aisles and shelves with their trolleys, people blocking the entrances having a chat, stopping in doorways so you can’t pass.

If you politely say ‘Excuse me’ you get a surprised look or a tut. I don’t understand why people are so unaware of their surroundings.

I've had examples of opposite ends of the manners subject today: my weekly swim in the area set aside for Lane swimming and for slow swimmers, made a misery by 2 or 3 ill mannered brats jumping in despite other swimmers(me!) already in the place they were intending to leap in. They were with an adult who only once told them to 'look out for the lady'. Similar disinterest from the pool attendant. Withering looks from ne for all of them, though I'm not sure how effective that is when youre in a state of sodden undress! Then the opposite when I was later in the newsagent attempting to scan in one of those code box thingies to get a parcel label printed out to return a faulty item for my son. I just couldn't get it to work (Luddite ....) and a really helpful young chap came and sorted it out for me. Of course I thanked him for his much appreciated help and received a great smile in return. Just goes to show the world is a mixed bag of characters.

In this country where I live I dont think they were ever taught maners, one gets doors closed in front of one, or someone steps in front of you, or after wating for a bus the people just arrived get onto the bus first,its the norm here so I expect we have all learnt to accept it,is sad really.

I got on a bus in London and a youngster about 10 or 11 years of age stood up and offered me his seat. I thought that was absolutely wonderful and hope he goes far in life, however years before in Brighton 8 1/2 months pregnant got on a bus and had to stand all the way into town. Not one person offered me a seat but it was amusing to see them all looking out of the windows pretending not to have seen me. If I hold a door for someone and no thank you is forthcoming I call out 'did you get a refund'. If they ask me what for I suggest from the college of good manners

A few years ago I was stood with my wheelchair bound mum, waiting for the lift in Marks and Spencer. Four giggling schoolgirls squeezed around us and into the lift as the doors opened, they had the button pressed and the doors were closing before I could gather my wits. I was speechless. They didn't even need the lift.

There was a period of time when I'd printed onto cards 'Good Manners' and carry them around with me. If, anyone didn't say thank you when they should have, I'd give them a card and say, " Here, I think you dropped this." They'd look at it and reply, "Nah, not mine" to which my acidic response would be, "Thought not - you don't have any, do you!".

Got too old, now.

Our own children were taught manners and to respect their elders (old fashioned these days I know),

Our GC are also being brought up to be polite and respectful. I’m not saying they’re perfect all the time!
Manners are taught and adults, especially parents should be setting an example.

I saw a shining example of both ends of the manners spectrum the other day.

My sister and I were in a Pizza Hut. At the table beside us (in one of those round booths) was a woman with three children aged up to about maybe eight years. While she spent the whole meal reading her phone and texting, the three children ran amok around the restaurant playing with the salad bar and the ice cream machine. They then started tossing bits of lettuce at our table. I used ‘the look’ and they stopped that. The manager said later that they had taken and tipped out a bottle of the cordial waiting to go into the dispenser.

At another table was another young woman with three children ranging from one in a high chair, one about five and an older boy about twelve. There was hardly a sound from their table as they ate their meal. At one point, the mother went with the middle one to the salad bar leaving the older boy with the baby who was having a fine time picking the vegetables off her pizza and laying them on her table. When she attempted to tip the plate up, her brother just put his finger up and shook his head. She stopped but, with a cheeky grin. We congratulated the mother on her delightful family and she said she has to teach them manners or she would not feel comfortable bringing them out.

I still find most people pleasant and polite and certainly my children and Grand children are expected to have good manners. Bad manners do cross all age groups.
Was thinking today that there may be little hope for us ‘commoners ‘ if our royal family can’t manage to stop their children sticking their tongue out at people and seemingly finding it hilarious.

I was taught, Manners maketh the man. I am always polite but am frequently surprised how some people do not say please or thankyou, but stare at their phones when talking to you. It only takes a minute to be courteous and it makes such a difference, a few kind words. If and when I get the bus though, the majority of people thank the driver.

I do remember once having a meal out with the whole family, and feeling so proud when the ladies at a nearby table came over to congratulate us on how beautifully behaved my DGC had been. Just as the one year old picked up a fork and launched it at me, neatly skimming it past my ear.

I'm afraid many children are being brought up to think that they come first in any social situation. I'm amazed how they walk in front of me when I'm obviously an old lady hobbling with a gammy leg; how they stand in shop entrances and impede access. Last week I was making my way down a narrow path, obviously with difficulty, when a young male runner ran straight for me and I had to side step to avoid a collision. When I remonstrated with him he ignored me completely. Do Gransnetters think that were I a busty young blonde rather than a crone he would have treated me the same?

My mother used to say ‘sorry if I’m Invisible’

I’m the same with the withering look, I haste bad manners. If I open a shop door and hold it open for someone else... and they don’t say ‘thank you’ I say it for them..... VERY LOUDLY!!!

In M&S this morning it was just our turn at the till. The assistant at the next till got up, leaned right across me and grabbed a handful of carrier bags from beside our till. Not a word was said. He then sat back down. Our assistant looked startled but said nothing. The other assistant was an older man.