To side with teacher over dd?

We all want to think of our children and grandchildren as little angels, but of course they can’t be all the time, and when they’re naughty or disruptive they need to be appropriately disciplined.

We really aren’t doing them any favours, if we keep interfering, we have to let the teachers do their jobs.

I wouldn’t be happy if DGS1 (9) was made to stand for several hours either and can understand why mum was unhappy.
However, I do understand how hard it is for teachers these days with less parental backing than in days gone by, but feel the punishment here was slightly draconian!

Have you posted this same problem before
Well someone has it was identical a little while back

It does sound a gross overreaction on the face of it. A phone call to the head if it were me or a meeting.
8 years old is very young. My DS at 8 was terrified because he'd lost his jotter and didn't want to face the teacher. When I saw her to explain she wasn't angry at all but quite surprised that he was afraid of her.

Not something I'd get worked up about, but I'd want to know the facts.

I taught a child who kept tipping his chair and swinging on two legs. It did slip and he split. his head open on the radiator (Hope it wasn't your DS hurdygurdy). Ask your DD which she would prefer a child standing up for a bit or a child in A&E having stitches?

Swinging on a chair is different from leaning one one.

I think standing up all afternoon (if it was that long) is a bit much. Perhaps it was only ten minutes. Children sometimes are economical with the truth.

If it was my child, I'd say to her/him that they shouldn't have misbehaved and that their teacher was right. If your daughter is really worried, she could ring up and politely ask. I think she needs to talk to her son first.

Swinging on a chair can cause a lot of damage to a child, if the chair goes over. Would your daughter have preferred her son with concussion, a broken limb or even worse, or would she rather her son have a telling off by a concerned teacher who was trying to do her job, with your GS's safety and best interests at heart? Standing for a couple of hours, to teach him a lesson, isn't going to harm in. Hopefully, it will deter him from continuing to do it. If it were my child, I would've told him that the teacher did the right thing, and he should listen to her in future! Parents these days all seem to think that their children are little angels. I've worked with children in the past, and they are far from it!

Parents these days all seem to think that their children are little angels

No they don’t Nansnet .

As a former teacher, I often found that children sometimes only told their parent half of the story.
The best way is to have a meeting with the parent, child and teacher all present.

I remember a parent once coming to the school raging, demanding that I apologise in front of his child and the headteacher for daring to reprimand his child, who was completely innocent.
It wasn't until his child admitted ripping open the door stop in my classroom and throwing the contents (rice) around the room, (IT suite) that he made his daughter apologise. He was mortified.

What I'm trying to say, is your daughter should hold off complaining until she hears both accounts of what happened.
As a teacher I certainly wouldn't have made a child stand all afternoon, but swinging on a chair is so dangerous. I ahve seen the consequences of it. A split head and blood everywhere!

I’d just let it go as a one-of and just tell the child to do as the teacher tells him in future. I’d be very careful not to discuss the matter in front of him. I’m rather old fashioned when it comes to believing children should respect their teachers and parents should support them.

I agree that DD needs to find out for sure. And that GS needs to learn to obey the teacher. But standing all afternoon? I'd be furious if that were the case and he were my child or GS. The teacher had other options, surely. She could have made him sit up by her desk or notified the principal, etc. I'm also wondering if he was allowed to go to the loo, etc.

As a former teacher, I often found that children sometimes only told their parent half of the story

As a mum and grandma I totally agree with you Marydoll

Having said that, my daughter has always been absolutely honest, my son on the other hand..... a cross between half stories and complete fabrication.

But are you unreasonable to agree w/ the teacher? No. You have a right to your opinion. However, your title asks if you're unreasonable "to side with the teacher over dd?" I hope you're not actively doing that. It's not up to you to advocate for either the teacher or DD. Please don't try to get in the middle.

I too agree with Marydoll, children are often economical with the truth! Maybe not intentionally, but as someone previously said, ten minutes may seem like two hours to a small boy!

On the other hand, if it was two hours, that does seem excessive!

Only one way to find out, but don’t go in all guns blazing!

What I meant to add was that as parent, I listened to both my child and the teacher's version before going in all guns blazing..
If my children were in the wrong, then I did back the teacher up. if not, then I made it clear that thought the teacher's behaviour was unacceptable.
Of course my three children never did anything wrong

My two daughters sailed through school, I can’t remember I single instance either were in trouble, apart from one little five year old, told off for talking in assembly, she was mortified!

My son, on the other hand, always seemed to be in trouble of some sort, nothing serious, just naughty boy stuff, but it was always the teachers fault, I gave up listening to him !

Sounds like my son Sara65 .

If I had got in trouble at school (though I never did, as the very thought terrified me), the last thing I would have done would have been to tell my parents, and it would have to have been something extremely bad before the school would have thought to mention it to the parents.
How times have changed!

The problem with trying to get the facts is that you might end up with two very different accounts. What would happen then? If relations between home and school are overall good, standing for a while is nothing to worry about. Had he fallen off the chair and hurt himself, what would people be saying about the teacher’s failure to make sure he was safe?

Rebecca86; you are absolutely right in your response. It would be nice to think that your daughter is fuming at her son because he disobeyed his teacher three times and was therefore punished, but I doubt it. Parents forget that the teacher is in loco parentis, and that they have agreed to this when they leave the child at school. Would your daughter allow her son to treat the furniture in their home in the same way?

By leaning, (leaning back and swinging) the child is doing two things: 1)weakening the structure of the chair so that the metal framework eventually becomes twisted and detached, and the rigid plastic seat splits; the chair is ruined and has to be replaced as they cannot be repaired.
2) the chair overbalances and the child hits the floor, or someone else, at speed.
The teacher has no need to explain herself to an aggrieved parent, who should be more concerned by her child's defiance rather than his punishment, which would not cause him physical harm.

Like MamaCaz I never told my parents if I had got into trouble at school, for the simple reason that I would have been punished again!
The teacher was in charge and trusted to be in the right.

Of course there may be exceptions but it seems to me that parents can be too quick to be up in arms blaming the teacher not only for any sanctions, but for their child’s bad behaviour and probably their poor exam performance later too. ?

Yes, MamaCaz

I would never have gone home and complained to my parents for the same reason as you

There was very little communication between school and parents as far as I can remember, and as I was occasionally in trouble, that suited me just fine

I feel sorry for teachers these days as they have very little in the way of discipline to mete out and parents don't back them up. . I think being made to stand for disobeying a third time is not a harsh punishment for potentially dangerous behaviour.

As far as standing for the whole afternoon being too much, one of the other things teachers deal with all the time are children who NEVER sit on their chair no matter how many times you tell them. Standing all day never seems to bother them!