Granddaughter

OP you haven't said what your DD thinks. Is she and her DP happy with the relationship? Has she described what the young man's like apart from being 18? I'd dig a bit deeper before coming to conclusions. Equally I'd invite both of them to supper/tea and make up your own mind.

I don't think 14 is an age when she can consent to sexual intercourse so the young man should beware.

crazyh I read and answered bluebells post.

A fourteen year old is a child. That is a fact.

My teenage GD had a BF two years older when she was 14/15. It was all very 'serious' - first love and all that - but he had the sense to break it up when he had to go away for training. Of course she was upset, but is a very level-headed girl with plenty of interests (and GCSEs coming up) and has had at least two BFs since then. The grass doesn't grow under her feet! Anyone who refers to a 14 year-old girl as 'a child' evidently doesn't know many of them.

Chill!
I dated a 19 yr old when I was 15...plenty of canoodling in his car, never quite did the deed as he said he wasnt going to get arrested! Had some nice days out, was upset when we split up...we're still in touch on Facebook (both happpily married to others) so, no, his 'attentions' didnt scar me psychologically for life!

Yes of course teenagers can have sex anywhere paddyanne, but both sets of parents in this case decided it was a sensible thing to do, as well as talking to them. I guess it's called parental guidance. Something perhaps in short supply these days.

Trust and hormonal teenagers - really?

You are right to be concerned. Unfortunately 14/15 year olds do have sex. I did at 15 and so did my daughter, although I didn't find that out until she got pregnant! It was a horrible time and although I wasn't happy with her having sex at 15 I would have preferred her to have taken precautions rather than got pregnant. For those who think it doesn't happen to them she has at least two friends who got pregnant, had abortions and never told their parents and these are all 'nice' well brought up girls from loving families.

for goodness sake gonegirl wheres the trust? They dont have to be behind closed doors to have sex! Should we keep them on a lead so we can see what they're doing?

It's very risky. If they got carried away as young people might (think hormones overload) he could find himself on the sex offenders register. Could harm his future career.

My GS at 16 had a 15 year old girlfriend. Although all precautions were taken (both sets parents talking, room doors always kept open) it was a relief when they broke up and he got a girlfriend the same age as him.

A family member had his first girlfriend at 18. Before then he had only been interested in sport and computer games. She was 15 but had had previous boyfriends and the age gap seemed appropriate.

If there is nothing wrong with him then they can stay friends until she becomes an appropriate age. There is no reason for this.

Paddyann' post Is quite easy to understand.
Rather than me repeat it, read Bluebelle's explanation !!

bluebelle thank you. For the life of me I could not get the gist of paddyanns post. Must have been the painkillers kicking in !!!!!!!!!!!

Good grief, Bibbity, I'm glad you weren't my mother! I was 15 when I had my first "serious" boyfriend. He was 23. The relationship lasted a couple of years; we had lots of common interests and a lot of enjoyable times together. We were both treated to parental lectures which we accepted as parents just "doing their job". He was a committed Quaker and (we discussed this frankly) horrified at the idea he might take advantage of a naive younger girl.

Eventually, our lives drifted in different directions, we grew apart and the relationship fizzled out to a natural end. More than half a century on, I still think fondly of that young man and am glad my first foray into romance was with such a lovely person.

People grow and mature at different rates and it is really unfair to dismiss every 18 y.o. with a younger girlfriend as being a predatory male, out for what he can get.

This is surely something that the parents will have to monitor. While as grandparents we may have an opinion, unless asked, it is best to keep it to ourselves.

IMO you are not being unreasonable. What is wrong with an 18 yo man that he needs a romantic relationship with a 14 yo child.
If I were your DD I’d be contacting him and saying that he isn’t to come near my child unless he wants the relationship logged with the police.

I agree with sodapop. Parents need to keep an firm eye on this situation and they certainly need to meet the young man. (Whether the latter has happened yet, isn't clear from OP.) And parents should have the relevant talk with each of them! I've a 14 year old DGD, and I would be anxious for her in this situation, but I also think that preventing the two young seeing each other, might result in problems.

I'd just be mortified !

No Glammananna nothing is said about a 4 year age gap in your twenties. When the girl is only 14 that is a different matter entirely, she is a minor and her parents have a duty of care towards her. We all read about the problems in Rotherham. Whilst I am not in any way suggesting she is being groomed I think Dinno is right to be concerned.
I think the parents need to keep an eye on the situation and make sure their daughter has all the relevant information.

I think what glammamamma says is the real sense.

My sister met her first boyfriend when she was 15 and he was 19. They got married when she was 19, and are just coming up to their Golden Wedding. But this is an amazing feat these days:-)

My DGD was 14 when she started being interested in boys and had quite a few of them as friends at that time,there was one special friend who she saw he was 17 and they paired up together,her father had the "don't you even think of it talk " with him and there where no problems.
My DGD is now 17 and has a boyfriend who is 18 they are not serious as both are sensible kids.
Is anything said if the girl was 20 and the boyfriend 24 ?
Just keep an eye on how things are progressing.

So long as both know what’s legal at this age, and act accordingly, what’s the harm?

While I understand a grandmother’s concern it’s up to the parents to talk to both.

Gransal Paddyann’s daughter was 14 boyfriend 18 when they met, got engaged when she was 18 and he 22, and split up when she was 21 and he 25 she then went on to marry a different man who was younger than her