Tenant has met a girl......

Perhaps next time consider putting something in a lodger agreement?

If you get on well with the lodger surely you are able to discuss your misgivings with him.
I would hate someone crossing boundaries with no agreement.
How rude and presumptive.
We let part of our house and even though it's self contained, the tenants let me know who is staying and for how long.
It's an unwritten rule.

I would just say that you would like to know when he is bringing someone back.
I wouldn’t tell them they couldn’t - it’s supposed to be their home and they should be able to bring at least 1 visitor round.

It's a difficult situation I think.

I know the scenario is slightly different from the OP's but my son left home to share a house with three friends. They shared rent, bills, chores and had a bedroom each. After a year, one of the lads met a girl and she basically moved in with him. The dynamics of the house changed, she was in the kitchen, lounge, bathroom and not paying rent.

It caused a big falling out and the boy and his girlfriend left. He thought the others were being unreasonable objecting to her 24/7 presence.

It had nothing to do with sex, more to do with her using heat, hot water, food cooking facilities etc, and not contributing anything.

And of course, her presence alone was difficult because no one knew her. The laddish escapades stopped and the others also considered putting locks on their room doors. There are all sorts of security issues too when someone you know nothing about becomes a free-loading lodger.

There must be a landlord bank of rules somewhere on line which addresses this scenario?

My ex Husband and I had a Tenant who was a good friend.
His girlfriend used to stay at the weekend which was no problem for us. What did become a problem for me though was the day when my Husband and I were having a disagreement in our lounge.
The tenants' girlfriend walked in and decided to get involved!
I have a very long fuse, but in this instance, I saw red.
She was really surprised when I told her to keep out of our business, and to get out !!
After a few days absence, she apologised, but I realised then that having a Tenant who shared other living accommodation in the house was not a good idea.

I can understand why your are upset. We had lodgers and/or au pairs for many years and they all understood that they could not bring anyone to stay overnight - other than their families who sometimes came to stay. You don't even know this person, she could be someone he picked up online and doesn't know well. Your contents insurance would probably not be valid if she stole anything.

You will have problems renting the room to any working adult who needs a room and can pay. Overnight guests are fine.

Look at it another way, why would an adult pay for a room where maybe their sibling couldn’t stay if in town?

As others have said, times have moved on. Also, said with respect, try not to get too involved in the details of your lodgers lives, they are adults and you may need to set yourself a boundary.

Good luck.

Has met a girl and bought her back
How much did he pay?

Lodgers in your house with boyfriends or girlfriends can be intrusive wether they stay overnight or not, no matter how respectable the lodger a guest may be entirely different. After a few bad experiences we stopped visitors, in a separate flat or apartment it's OK but internal walls can be terribly thin

He shouldn't have used your private sitting room. Could he have thought it better than taking her to his bedroom? Or could she have been reluctant to go there?
Anyway the point is that he didn't ask or tell you he was inviting her in, even thought he'd told you he'd met a girlfriend. Hoping that by now you have talked with him and reminded him of his tenancy terms.

A tennant bringing someone back to your house he has only known for 24hrs is a risk for you. Normally before you agree a tenancy you take references, why should you be expected to let strangers into your home when you know nothing sbout them. I think you need to set some ground rules, before the situation becomes a regular occurrence and your acceptance of people casually staying over taken for granted. If a friendship develops to be more long term then you should be the one to decide if you want a third person staying in your home.

My tenants have a contract that advises they may have a friend to stay, with my permission, at a cost of £xx per night. I've never yet asked anyone to pay the charge, but I keep the clause in there because it sends out a message that there needs to be an agreement about others coming into my home.

In practice my lodgers have had sisters, parents and friends to stay, but never a girl or boyfriend until very recently. They have always asked permission and it has always been granted. My current lodger has now got her first ever boyfriend (she's 23) and it's quite a serious relationship - he's spending Christmas with her family. He usually stays over here one night a week and she stays over at his for one or two nights.

I'm happy for my lodgers to use my sitting room, but they rarely do unless we've twisted their arm with the offer of food and a film. When they have friends to stay we prefer to meet them and get to know them so we usually invite them to have a drink and a chat with us.

The sitting room is the only issue I see.

Generally with live in landlords these days, if a boyfriend or girlfriend is staying over more than 3/4 nights a week every week then there may be a discussion about charging them rent. If they are visiting less than 50% of the time that is normal usage of a rented room unless you PREVIOUSLY agreed otherwise.

Foxylady the OP was correcting herself

Petty? That was so obvious. I’m sorry that I’m retaliating in this way, when I have no intention of being offensive. If a person makes an error grammatically or misspelling. I feel that it is unkind to point it out. They might have missed it, when emotionally charged about an issue, or might not know. As long as the essence of their issue is clear, does it really matter? This forum is usually kind and helpful, but I have seen comments from time to time, which might have been better left untyped. Let’s be kind or shut up.

As you say you get on well, and he is a great tenant, just have a conversation with him about it and come to an arrangement that works for both of you...

I think it is probable that sooner or later your tenant will want the girlfriend to stay overnight, then possibly before you know it she may have moved in by stealth.

Of course if she does then she should pay you rent too.

As others have said you do need to be firm about your living room. I guess he took advantage because you weren't home at the time, but that is not on.

If the sitting room is out of bounds as stated in the contract I would certainly forcefully remind him of that. I think he was way over the mark to use your room without even asking when it's in writing that he shouldn't.
I understand your reservations regarding a string of different GFs as apposed to a "steady" GF and I think you need a calm friendly chat about that, if you want to keep him as a tenant.
I'd feel the same if it was one of my AC and they were living at home never mind a lodger.

He'd only started talking to her 24 hours previously, and I knew but suddenly she is in my home no warning or anything. The sitting room is for my use only stated in contract and he hadn't even asked!
We get on very well. I don't mind if it becomes serious she stay over, but I don't want a string of gf in and out.
And also then the house is kind of taken over by some one staying all the time, costing more in bills when he is a single occupancy. I just don't know the boundaries to what you'd say in this situition. We get on well and he is a great tenant.

Denil Looking to the future, eventually she will probably stay over intermittently, leave her bits and pieces in the bathroom, monopolise the bathroom when you want to get in there, and cost you more in hot water etc so I would say you need to think it all through carefully.

You shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable in your own house and if he is not already allowed access to the sittingroom, then that should not change.

You say that you really don't want your lodger to have his guests stay overnight.
I would say, your house, your rules!
He is already pushing the boundaries by bringing this girl back and entertaining her in your private sitting room.
Before this escalates, I would say that he is ok to bring friends back up to a certain time in the evening, not to use your sitting room to entertain and before he even asks, no overnight guests.
He is not paying rent for a houseshare, he is a lodger paying for one room and I presume, use of kitchen and bathroom.
Don't blur those lines!

...if it..

I think you should gently remind him that use of the sitting room is not included in the tenancy agreement. You are being unreasonable in not allowing the girl friend to stay over. It it looked like becoming permanent, or even too often, you could request extra rent to cover extra hot water, etc. But you can't be judgemental, of course.

Does he use your kitchen and bathroom? Do you provide meals? How intrusive is the GF likely to be? You could tell him that you hadn’t thought it through and express your concern but, if he is serious about the GF, the most likely outcome would be him finding somewhere else to live. Would you be happier if he let you know when he is likely to bring her home so there are no unexpected surprises? He presumably feels comfortable in your home and your next tenant, if you intend replacing him, is an unknown quantity. It is even more important that you feel comfortable and at ease in your home so quite a lot to think through!

Had he used the sitting room before? If so then it's understandable that he took her in there. As for in his room-it's his room. If you didn't say when he took it, "No pets, no girls, no overnighters" you can't start now. If you are not happy with it you can tell him and perhaps ask him to look for a new place. But if he's no bother otherwise is it really such an issue?