To wear what I like for Christmas?

On face value YANBU although I am reminded on my aunt who comes so formally when she visits that she as good as leaves her coat on & always looks ready to leave IYKWIM. It makes it feel like she isnt comfortable and doesnt want to be here.

Do you kick off your shoes etc and look relaxed or sit stiffly on the edge of your seat in your nice outfit all day?

Its perhaps not actually about the outfit itself.

But also I would NEVER say that to a guest

This reminds me of a (possibly apocryphal) story about Mrs Thatcher and the Queen.
Mrs T apparently phoned Buckingham Palace to check that it was ok to wear a certain outfit, because she didn’t want to wear something too similar to what HM would be wearing.
‘The Queen never notices what other people are wearing,” came the cutting response.

I agree with Scribbles that if your host has specified a certain dress code, it’s good manners to comply.

Having said that, I will be wearing my party dress on Christmas Day and my DDs will be in jeans. I imagine DGD will also be in her party dress. We just enjoy the day and none of us cares what anyone else wears.

OP In your position I would say to DD
‘Oh there’s no need for you to feel uncomfortable, dear. I really don’t mind you all wearing your jeans.’ And wear your nice dress

I don't think it's unreasonable to dress up for Christmas Day but each to their own. We've always made an effort even when it's just been the two of us. For years I had a red velvet dress I always dragged out for the day as it was very loose and comfortable to cook in (and after all the food!). I've just found a royal blue one in a similar shape so that will be coming out this year with some sparkly jewellery.

tanith ?. Your hilarious onesie Christmas sounded great.
Give me hilarity and smiles over dress codes any day. ?

I do not believe you are being unreasonable in wearing whatever you like on Christmas Day. Each to their own. I'll start the day in jeans and a sweat shirt, as always. Turkey in the oven, then out for an hour or more with the dogs. I'll shower and change before the family start arriving but it's unlikely to be a party frock. Toddlers, babies and sticky fingers, along side being the main cook don't sit so easily with a party frock. Not that I own such a thing. I've some comfortable, floaty trousers and a new mock velvet top. ear rings and even a bit of eye product and I'll be good to go.
Wear what you like OP and don't take your daughter's comments to heart. Kids eh!

I do try to dress up on Christmas day, but thinking about it I have really never felt comfortable and relaxed in a formal outfit, heels and tights indoors. The shoes get kicked off, the slippers go on, which isn't really a good look in a dress! This year I think it will be smart but comfortable pants and top.

Go in leggings and a loud christmas jumper!

How lovely that your daughter felt it was ok to be honest grapefruit. That's a great compliment even though you felt she was critical in her comments.

Remember she was only voicing her view - which you can take on board or not. It would be good to respond in a positive way to her to pave the way for more open communication between you. Of course you may not have realised that your love of dressing up nicely might make other people feel uncomfortable although of course no one else is ever responsible for the way we feel.

So there is no need for you to change your behaviour at all and they can feel however they choose to as this is not your responsibility.

Is it the case that your DD has to wear executive suits for work all year? It may be that time off is very much about relaxing without having to wear heels and all that goes with them.
I have noticed that people who generally work dressed down, love to dress up for off duty, and vice versa.

I'd not be impressed if my daughter made that comment. In our family some really dress up and others are more casual. Each to their own.

In our family we always dressed up for Christmas however we now go to DS and DIL for the day. Her parents wear jeans their everyday wear. Instead of a dress I now wear smart trews and a sparkly top. I cannot bring myself to dumb down as far as jeans.

That’s like asking your dd and family to dress up ( that’s if it had ever crossed your mind ) NO - be yourself and dress how you want . I don’t believe your family are going to sit all day in the huff about it as long as you are enjoying yourself and joining in the festivities ?

Jeans or nice trousers and a sparkly jumper for me, I like to look smarter but feel comfortable, as I also like playing with the gc.

Could your daughter have invited someone less well off for lunch , someone who couldn't afford to dress up even if they wanted to ?
Or perhaps the grandchildrens presents include something icky that you wouldn't want to get on your beautiful clothes, play doh or slime . she may be trying to warn you without telling you what presents they will receive .

It's nice to make an effort but a bit sad that this makes others feel uncomfortable. Like you, I don't get much opportunity to dress up but make an effort for Christmas, etc.
Is it a generation thing? We oldies look casual most of the time and dress up for special days, young ones have to look smart every day for work and prefer to dress down for their time off? I'm always looking for the happy medium, does it exist?

Grapefruit. Is your daughter in the habit of telling you what to do? It sounds as if she is more concerned with her friends feelings than she is of yours which clearly has had its effect or you would not have asked GN's for advice.
Have your hair done, wear makeup, your usual jewellery but leave out the 'sparkles' for a time when what you wear will be of less importance to those than who you are.

I agree with Tartlet - dial it down a notch or two if it makes your DD feel uncomfortable. We always dress nicely on Christmas Day but it's a relief to change at the end of the day into comfy things!!

Families, families! My parents were very formal and used to wear evening dress for Christmas dinner. I think it’s nice to make an effort and dress up a bit for Christmas Day but my husband just wears his usual jeans. I’d say go along with your daughter if she’s the hostess but otherwise wear whatever you like and makes you feel most comfortable.

We all wear what we like here, mostly casual. It is a little odd that your daughter minds what you are wearing, especially if you are celebrating at her house. I tend to get a Christmassy top, but just casual trousers etc as I am cooking, and anything dressy would quite likely be spoilt.

Is your daughter likely to be offended if you dress up again? If so, I’d probably dress down slightly just to avoid any “atmospherel.

I don't think my family notices what I wear at Christmas! I'm the granny that sits around while they do all the work. However, after they have everything organised, my DiL casts off her jeans and sweater and changes into something more partified.

As my dad used to say, 'Take plenty of no notice.' Wear what you like. Ignore the comments.

I'm not much of a Christmas dress up person, but I would absolutely defend your right to wear whatever makes you feel happy and comfortable.

There is a phrase that amuses me called "Smart Casual", where you wear casual clothes that are also a step or two up from leisure wear.
Be smart, wear your best, be comfortable, and enjoy your day.
I have half a wardrobe of clothes I almost never wear because they're "too dressy"!!!! And not a pair of jeans in sight, (hate them!).

I would not take her comment to heart as people these days do tend to dress more casual than they did years ago. Remember those stiff collars, shirts and ties and hats. Depending on your humour levels, I would probably go dressed as Santa or in a Christmas onesie or jumper. Enjoy!

Given that your daughter has asked you not to dress up, as it makes others feel uncomfortable, I would tone it down somewhat. I think it’s a bit sad and silly of others to feel uncomfortable simply as a result of how someone else is dressed, but our young adult children have their standards don’t they? ?