AIBU School Play do other grandparents get invited?

I live with my daughter and GC - and have gone along to the Christmas play once or twice - and until we moved the other GP went as well but on different days. Birthdays are usually a trip out with several of their friends along then a cake at home with family. Having gone along once to a party at a well known fast food outlet I am glad I didn't get invited often - I was used as crowd control As my GC have grown up they want to be out with their friends at the cinema or bowling or skating so they don't have parties as such anymore.

i went to my gd leavers play last year but my daughter never invited me to school plays unless i asked about them i do get invited to birthday parties and id say an invitation to call in for coffe is an invite . maybe they dont know you would like to be invited officially have you mentioned it, also a lot of schools only.allow 2 guests per child because of space limitation

I used to go to the nativity play as I live nearby and took the gc to school, but if it was very busy and not enough seats I would stand at the back, letting parents sit and be able to see better. As for parties no thanks unless I've been invited but quite happy to go along in the evening or the next day.

Used to get invited when they had parties at home,but not anymore.
Also have been to nativity once at granddaughters new school year before last,but D.I.L mum goes each time now.
I could go on but i wont as dont fancy anyone jumping at me.

Having done it all 6 times over, I am more than happy not to be invited to Nativity Plays or Birthday Parties. When I can't escape, I try to do it with good grace but really, I'd rather be anywhere else once said Grandchild's minor part is over!

Your son and Dil may not be aware that you would like to be invited - if not then mention it, who knows they might be thrilled to know that you are interested - I would be!.

Beginning of my post should be ‘I’ve been’.

I’ve to nativities been twice but at my GC’s school tickets are limited. The last time my son had to make a special request for a ticket for me and of course there are maternal grandparents as well. We aren’t invited to birthdays unless they are at home, eg GDs 18th birthday party. We visit them on Christmas morning but return home before dinner as they only have a small house and, because of work commitments, only have limited time together throughout the year so they like Christmas Day to be a special family day which we think is lovely.

I'm lucky and get to go to everything my granddaughter is in at school as parents can't attend due to work (teacher). She loves to see me there but I feel sorry for daughter and sil who miss out.

As the only GP to 4 GCs and my SiLs work schedule I would be invited to the Nativity plays and birthday parties while they were preschool, and infant school. Once they moved to junior school, around 7 years old, not so often.
As to birthday parties, if it's large hall parties, then I'm included, but small themed parties, then no.
For the youngest, who will be 7 on the 27/12, I usually attend as her party is usually before school breaks up then I see her and everyone on the 27th for a panto visit, a tradition since the eldest was 5, (now 16!).
I don't see them over the 25/26 for various reasons, all amicable and through choice, discussion etc but visit before for present giving and after fir panto, and I receive oodles of photos, texts and videos on the 25th. A win/win for all of us.
For the OP, maybe ask your son/DIL if you could see the Nativity, if possible, and discuss doing something for their birthdays when they visit for tea and cake, maybe take each child out for the day close to their birthday, just you and the child. That way it's a special time for all of you.

Been through this and don think about it now new generation new rules. Yes I did invite my parents but nit husbands as mil was a pain. Looking back I did play by the rules and took them every week to see both sets of grandparents we only see ours when we go very rare do hey make effort to come to ours nit ideal but I live with it.

I get invited to plays if my son is working away, as only 2 tickets per person due to limited space. I always get invited to parties so I’m very lucky. Is this something you can discuss calmly with your son, it depends what sort of relationship you have with him ? So if it hurts you, you have to decide if he will chat without it escalating or whether it’s best just left alone. Have read so many times on GN about daughters parents having priority, it’s sad as all should be treated equally, any issues ironed out etc Could you ask to have them for a sleepover, days out etc ?

I usually get roped in for nativity plays ...music recitals ...sports days as bothe daughter and DIL are teachers at two different schools and ivviousky they’re in duty themselves. It tends to work well.

We have to get our heads round times are changing and not necessarily for the worse! I was invited to grandchildren’s parties when they were 1 or 3 years old but then they started inviting their little friends from nursery to the ‘bun fight’ and to be honest, although I was invited by my daughter ,I preferred the quiet cuppa and cake the next day or the following weekend ...I could see the grandchild in peace and give them their present.They got 2 little parties... and everybody was happy. Do you really want 6 or 7 or more screeching 10 or 6 year olds .... I much prefer the civilised approach of my daughter and SIL

sazzi Who are the ''we'' in the never get invited?
Where does it stop? There can only be a certain amount of space where the occasion you mention is carried out. So no why do you feel you should be invited.? Your invitation to GC's birthday party how ever is up to their parents.

@mawbroon

I was thinking the same. It sounds like she has the normal grandparent relationship and is just looking for a reason to moan.

Parents are usually only allowed 2 places at school plays...makes sense that parents go.

One of my daughters always says when her kids are in plays etc but i live over 70 miles away so its not always an option- but end of year dance group i got 2 tickets bought &paid for by her so we went along it was great- my other daughters youngest just started school but never mentioned the xmas fair/games night & i wouldve enjoyed that(she lives in next small town to me)so ill mention it now for nativity play or whatever schools call it these days.Thanks for reminder ladies.

A family tea with grandparents extends the celebrations a bit further for birthdays and spares the poor grandparents from going 'glassy eyed' at adventure and themed organised children's parties. You will have nothing in common with the other children's parents apart from admiring their children. It can be a very long two hours and your own grandchild will be so over-excited with all of his/her friends there that they won't even notice you. Do yourself a favour and realize this is the modern way and be grateful.

I wonder if OP is still around to read all our replies.
Reading between the lines I fear she is expressing a deeper dissatisfaction with her involvement with her grandchildren’s lives.
From her original post I do not think she has any grounds for complaint other than not having her own expectations met and looking at the majority of replies, these expectations are not shared by most of us on the thread.
As others have asked, does she accept the coffee and cake invitations? Can she see that Nativity or school play tickets are rationed?
Or is she just feeling hard done by? The remedy is clear enough to me.

Sounds much like my relationship with my Son and family and I think I am so lucky. Two- or three-weekly visits, coffee and cake and you are on their Facebook Friends so get to see what’s gone on. So much more than so many Grans.
I don’t think that I can ask anything more from a busy little family unless I am in real difficulties and can then be sure that my DS will come galloping to the rescue as soon as possible.
As others have said, tickets are usually limited to two for school concerts unless the school is putting something on to raise funds.

sazz1 tickets for school Nativity plays are often limited to a set number per child as most schools only put on two performances and have a finite amount of space. We've been lucky enough to go to DGD's Nativity last year but not the Reception year.

As for birthday parties, when they were small we offered help but weren't always taken up on it - tbh I was relieved having done all that with my DD and her brothers!!!

The coffee and cake seems like a lovely idea,as you would get to spend more time on one time with the gc, as more often than not,the children are so busy playing to notice that you are there at the bigger parties. My gc School only allow limited tickets for the Nativity,usually performed an and then pm,to give more people a chance to go.I am very lucky as I get to see the dance school shows, in which eldest granddaughter performs,and a different show in a different town where grandsons perform,also watching gymnastics display of younger granddaughter,...you could invite them to a special Xmas festivity such as Christingle,then a tea somewhere,or santa visit.

Well yes. And that's what Facebook is for - isn't it? Sounds as though they are being really kind letting you off the anarchic parties and visiting really often. Cut them some slack they are doing their best.

Did you accept their invitation to drop in for coffee and cake? That would give you more time with your grandchildren than at a party which is for them and their friends.
It is not as if they have ignored you or rebuffed you.
It does seem that you are looking for a problem. Let it go.