To care about birthday being ignored?

Text and FB have replaced cards for many these days ....I don't like it but accept it is a reality. Not sure presents have ben replaced though, maybe they are waiting until they see you ?

Our daughters remember our birthdays but last weekend was our 50th anniversary. Neither of them sent a card, we have invited them (and their families) to a special lunch in December (haven't been able to arrange anything earlier, I am currently staying with my terminally ill brother to give his wife a break), one still has to let us know, the other told me she hadn't heard very good reports of the restaurant! My OH and I can't help feeling rather upset about it all, we thought we had brought them up to be more polite than that. Ah well, I suppose it's just another day! Happy birthday Nonna. ??

I'm one of the 'couldn't give a flying fig about birthdays' brigade. Once past 21 they seem irrelevant and only remind me of how old I'm getting....best ignored ?. I celebrate my children's birthdays though.

My eldest son (or his wife) always remember our birthdays and anniversary, send cards and presents well in advance of the day. My youngest often forgets - he's on the other side of the world so kind of an excuse but usually sends a text at some point after the event. Even before they emigrated it was a bit hit and miss. It doesn't really bother me but I can understand your hurt that you didn't get cards.

DH and I have an annual competition to see who gets the most birthday cards from 3 sons. We usually average 2 but never a present. It does upset us but one year when we missed one son's birthday (worst 'offender') we got a serious telling off from his wife!

I'm wondering too if it's a son thing. My dear late husband never thought about his parents' birthdays unless I reminded him, same with his brother and Mothering Sunday would have also been ignored unless reminded by us wives.
If no card was given it would of course in MIL's eyes have been the wives' fault for not taking this 'job' on.
After an emotional melt-down one year from MIL I bought the damn things myself - now I text BIL to remind him as SIL won't bother. It doesn't take much for MIL to feel unloved and unwanted.

I was on holiday for my 60th and son and fiancée completely ignored it, not even a text! Was a bit upset, more with future dil as had made big effort for her birthday, just a week before mine! It’s not about the money, I just feel I don’t want to bother with either of their birthdays next year!

My son doesn't send cards or gifts but it doesn't bother me. He did however turn up from Brazil on my 60th birthday as a complete surprise...so I know he cares!

I should just ignore their birthdays and see how they like it. It’s very ‘out of order’
I just told my partners bf off for ignoring his 50th and they even spoke via Facebook on his birthday. It’s rude and thoughtless

It’s just plain rude. Do the same to them. They probably won’t notice.

Although I live abroad and cards are not really sent here I always send my children and their partners cards plus the grandchildren under 18. Yet I don't always get a card (and never a present) and my husband of 21 years birthday is only remembered by 1 DD. My DS who lives in the same country as me didn't bother so do I send him and his wife birthday cards in future. My children always sent my Mum a birthday card but other than 2 grandsons (I suspect DD1 buys them) I have never received cards from my grandchildren. While in England I bought a years worth of family birthday cards so they would be more personal than my previous Moonpig cards. Oh well we shall see.

On the topic of sons and cards versus daughters etc I would relate this, When I got married I was the one who used to purchase the card and gift for MIL, without it she would not have had one as DH was hopeless, however she really did not like me and used to make unpleasant digs about me behind my back to other family members. eventually I had enough and stopped bothering with her! Cards and presents from then on were DH’s responsibility and erratic!
I am sure if asked she would have whined about the great treatment my own mother received from me as opposed to her own, but the moral of the tale is don’t fall out with your DIL?

The son and daughter theme seems to be quite common. I do get cards and gifts from my two sons who live abroad but I know that it's only because my DD reminds them a couple of weeks before!

I'm lucky enough to get cards and presents from all 5 of mine though I do sometimes wonder if a couple of my sons are reminded by their wives.

Poor Poohbear
Mags e-cards are good, they can be sent on the day

Oh Pinkjj I made this just for you

Sweetpea Happy 50th anniversary

My youngest daughter always bought me a lovely card and present, my son did too, but prompted by his lovely girlfriend no doubt, estranged from them both for 5yrs now due to nasty son.i.l

Slightly off the point, but as DH is someone else's son ... I have always needed to prompt my DH with cards and gifts for his parents and for birthdays / special occasions within the family. I do think it is a male thing not to be so organised in this regard. AND he does not seem to be very troubled if he forgets!

I have learned over time that my DH has a very different attitude to gift giving to me. He is a deeply kind and thoughtful man in all sorts of ways and his apparent 'failure' to do gifts - VERY RARELY get a bunch of flowers or token gift of any kind and have to choose for myself at birthday / Christmas to a great extent - is not a reflection of his regard. It just doesn't seem to be part of his programming to gesture his affection in these ways.

But then he will 'quietly' sow my favourite flowers in the garden, make a point of doing some household things that I usually do if he can see that I am tired ...

I think that if we tie up our sense of worth with giving / receiving gifts, then we are on course to feel bruised again and again. If we can forgive the oversights and see that no personal neglect /slight is intended, it is better for us ... Very much preaching to myself here as I have found it difficult at times.

Happy belated birthday NonnaW. It is hurtful when sons don't bother to send cards. It's a well-known fact in our family that if I didn't bother getting the cards, writing them all out, and making sure that they are sent on time, nobody would get anything! My DH just cannot be bothered! He then gets all bent out of shape when people don't send him anything! Last year, I said to him he could buy the cards, write them out and send them, his family are huge and it's a real pain tbh. He made this grand gesture of saying he'd take charge of the card buying. Of course, he didn't bother, and there were a few huffs. I told him, how people appreciate cards, and just because he cannot be arsed, he needs to stop being so selfish! This year, I made him choose the cards, pay for them, and write them out. He's going to do the Xmas cards too!

My birthday is in the tumbleweed time of christmas day and New years eve on the 29th...my son...as last man standing ..his words.. he does feel more responsible in making up for the loss of his two sisters ..bless him,I do remind him about my ex's birthday...but he dosent forget mine, however am so used to my birthday being overlooked because of the time of year by others its always hit and miss

sweetpea maybe they are waiting until the "big event" in December ...our kids did and it was lovely!!

Ha ha, how kind.

But seriously I really don't mind. So many more important things to do.

Not at all - I don’t ask for much or expect much from my family but one thing I do expect is to be remembered 2 days every year, my birthday and Christmas. I always make such a big effort when it comes to family and friends birthdays and whilst I dont expect much in money I do like to be remembered. My husband forgot my birthday once and I was so upset - the one day that I want to be made feel special. I might like to add he never has forgotten again!!! Lol

I agree with what is being said about sons, however as a DIL I ALWAYS arranged all of the birthday/xmas cards for my in-laws but that is NOT the case with my DILs although we get on very well they seem to think if it is on their husband`s side of the family then they should be going out to buy the cards/gifts. Anyway, I decided a few years ago to give up on birthdays and declared I no longer wished cards (what cards you may say lol) to celebrate my birthday, as one get`s to a certain age when it can be depressing so I celebrate Mother`s Day instead and ALWAYS get really nice gifts and a nice lunch, AND I don`t apparently age! So a win win situation! Something to consider perhaps?

If either of my sons (in their mid-40s) forgot my birthday i’d Just remind them! I would be quite shocked, but I would forgive as they have never forgotten so far, and it would just be that they were preoccupied or very busy.

I was very surprised when my oldest friend from schooldays forgot my birthday a couple of years ago. She was mortified when she remembered a few days later. She said she had known when my birthday was for as long as she could remember, and had no idea why she forgot. We put it down to old age!

I’m sure I clicked Preview for that last message, but it seems to have been posted before I could correct it. Ah well.