Other people's parties

Two issues.
One: do you just not like small talk - go with a head full of news items/questions to ask people re Christmas or holidays. I really relate to this.
Two: can you not cope with explaining to friends that you struggle with chatting to people you've never met before, and will possibly never meet again.

I can't remember the last time I went to a party! I've been to some great wedding receptions though - does that count? I enjoy going to other people's parties, it means I can leave when I want to instead of having to shoo people out of the front door at some ghastly hour after a party at home.

danac hello and welcome.
Please don't think you are being ignored.
Can you post your question on the
ask a gran thread that's running at the moment on the active list.

Its called GD playing up at bedtime
Im sure other GNers will help and give advice on that thread.
Good luck

Not a party lover either....used to dread all the Xmas parties in the various places I worked....had to attend lots of parties when my husband was in the forces...all the get togethers seemed to be compulsory....thankfully retirement brings its own rewards and can comfortably say no thank you to anything that we might be invited to if we did,nt want to go. I still have some old work colleagues who try and think up any old excuse to have a party. Guess some people are more social butterflies than others. Each to their own I think.

Danac , perhaps you could give him a blanket or cloth of yours that smells of you to reassure him that you will come back. I know he is quite grownup but it might help. And yes try this on ask a grandson.

I must be the odd one out here because I LOVE parties!!! Trouble is, not many people seem to have them these days - except me! I have always loved them and still feel very happy if I get invited to one ?
Im off to a gathering with the Red Hat Society next Monday to a venue I've never been to before and to meet twenty people I've never set eyes on yet!!!! But that's just me... ?

I was just about to say how relieved I was to see a kindred spirit in narrowboatnan, and up you popped, Maidmarion! I'd started to think I was the only party girl on Gransnet. Enjoy your gathering, and I hope you have music and dancing!

My daughter doesn't do parties. Large groups of noisy people in an enclosed space make her feel so anxious it inevitably sets her back in her fight against EDS. Her good friends and family understand that she isn't anti-social just anti being ill. We continue to invite her to everything and take her answer at face value. In the summer I was particularly heartened that, having said no to our big party, she did pop in for an hour. I live in hope she will gradually find it easier but if she doesn't, so be it. Calypso8, if your friends can't accept your explanation, they are not good friends. However, if it makes you feel any better, even those of us who enjoy parties often experience moments of anxiety but somehow manage to push through it to get to the enjoyable bit.

This thread is a very welcome eye opener for me I can tell you! I have ALWAYS hated parties or large gatherings of any kind including weddings! I never want to offend others though so more often than not I just go! I thought I was weird or something as everyone else seems to be having a wonderful time!

Like other posters, I am not unsociable, love hanging out on a one to one basis or small group and am not shy or feel I have nothing to say etc. I have thrown parties for others (like my daughters 18th or 21st) in my house but I hate going to others!. I just never seem to know which conversation group to 'attach' myself to. As a result I seem to wander about or just stand around listening to others, pouring more and wondering when it is a polite enough time lapse to leave!!!

My worst kinds are actually bbq's. Many of my friends and neighbours seem to be bbq addicts!!! Whilst I love the concept of sitting around on a nice summers day sipping punch or whatever with the smell of charcoal wafting about........ I never seem to enjoy the actual food or the small talk that goes with them! As I said I thought I was very odd, until I read this thread.

Am glad I found this forum

Isn't this thread helpful I now feel I m not the weird unsociable woman I thought people would see me as
I like small gatherings, lunches or coffee have some lovely friends and love cinema/theatre trips but big parties with unknown people have always been a big trial but now at last I belong to the GRANSNETTERS NONE PARTYERS. I m a fully paid up member
Love it I belong at last

I hate weddings for the same reason. Forced to dress up in clothes you wouldn't normally wear, and mingle and talk to people you don't know. And then the dancing!!

Last party I was at , my feet got sore so I collapsed on a sofa and struck up a conversation with a friend of hostess. We had a lot in common and I enjoyed the chat. So if you can't stand at parties sit down!!

Oh yes, the dancing! Being pulled out of your seat by some well meaning (or drunk) person. Trying to hang onto the table, but end up almost dragging it with you.. horrific!

I'm off to a BBQ/Baby Shower at the weekend. Will be some neighbours & proud "waiting for baby to arrive" parents along with some of their friends. I'm looking forward to it as we'll spread out in the house or garden.

On the other hand I have turned down a Christmas meal with a group I belong to. About 15/20 of our group going but sharing the room with staff from local Hospital. I would find it a difficult to enjoy myself as I can't concentrate/hear properly. My hearing is excellent, recent hearing test showed good results but I find loud music & conversation difficult. I have been like that since my 20s & mostly turn down invitations.

Next year will be DGS2's 1st Birthday, that will be a big Party, I'm usually the one in the kitchen with my rubber gloves or topping the food up.

I like parties if there is music and dancing or someone playing the piano and people singing.

I don't like sitting/standing in a room trying to make polite conversation.

I used to love work parties.

If you really don't like parties, then just don't go. These days I do what makes me feel good or happy.

For example, I won't go to family 'get togethers' anymore as some family members just get on my nerves or they are in a 'mood'. So I made a decision and I don't go. If others don't like like it, tough. [GRIN]

Calypso, I am so pleased you posted this. I too hate parties etc. The Forces put paid to any enjoyment I could possibly have had with compulsory gatherings and false people.. I hated every minute. I now don't 'gather' anywhere and my anxiety has lessened the more years I am away from that lifestyle. Freedom of choice is wonderful. My friendship base is very small but my friends understand and leave open invites, that way I don't feel I have to attend... funnily enough I will go then as I don't feel any pressure. Do what you feel comfortable with, its your life to enjoy too.

Thankyou all for your comments . I,m not alone then , as most have said small gatherings lunches and such are lovely. It is the big party's and unknown people I think that's worse and the fact that a couple of our friends have been upset and yes fallen out over it .

Glad I'm not the only one! I hate parties too! I am sociable in other ways and love having friends for meals /going to theirs or a restaurant But at house parties I feel awkward don't know where to stand worried no one will talk to me or I a boring someone ! just feel it's an effort all the time and a bit strained

I don't mind lunches, ordinary parties etc, what I really dislike are fancy dress parties or murder mystery events. I have gone along so not to upset people. I have decided now though that enough is enough and have told anyone inviting me to one these events that its really not my thing and I won't be coming.

Bluebells
When I moved to the US 5 years ago I only had my daughter and her family. I was invited to all their parties and made a good impression because I was automatically included. After a few seasons of this, I was increasingly aware of the noise, the children being between 8 and 12 (several of them) and their wealthy (well they were by my standards) parents talking so loud and the whole thing getting louder and louder and no one of my generation.....I just stopped going. It takes a long while to make close friends as you get older, but I'm trying and getting there. I now have found 3 really good genuine friends.

I TRULY hated most parties when I was a child, especially the big organised ones.
I remember I might have been about 7 and I wanted to go home so muchfrom a British Legion children's party, I swallowed a mouthful of Harpic and made myself sick (fortunately!)
Do NOT try this at home, kids.

BlueBelle I'll be a member too please!
I've always hated parties, and I refuse to do anything I don't want to at my age. I get bored with inane conversation and I hate getting stuck with someone so I don't like to sit down.
So, I just say no thanks.

Another one here who loathes parties , now I feel I have earned the privilege to just say thanks but no thanks ! On the other hand I quite like family gatherings especially when there are children there . Very happy to find there are lots more like me , makes me feel less `odd` !

Thank you, Calypso8 for this post. It's so reassuring to find others just like me. Family gatherings, a meal with a few friends, a meal with my U3A group are all fine but parties - no thank you. I have a hearing problem and the background noise at a party, even if there's no music playing, means that I cannot hear what anyone says to me, however close they are, another reason for being a non-party goer.