.. to feel uncomfortable bout this book loan ..

devongirl, is it bad to be a prude? Does it take from anyone else? Do prudes dislike rap music with misogynistic lyrics? Do prudes dislike talk of anal sex? Do prudes prefer clothing to cover rather than sexualize a body? Do prudes eschew sexist rants? Do prudes want their DDs not reading explicit sex scenes in a book loaned by their mum's friend? I'd be a prude as well, and quite pleased to report prudish behavior serves me well.

Thanks Norah

To be honest yes I think you are overreacting, your GD is well over the age of consent to read this type of literature and if she is uncomfortable with him passing it on she will tell him.

I guess some readers may be under the impression that this is about censuring someone's 'naughty' book so you can decide if your adult daughter can read it or not. Other's seem to think it's up to your daughter to decide whether sharing raunchy novels with her mum's boyfriend is OK, or not.
So, allow me once again to jump in because I happen to disagree with all of the above and you are not overreacting! Like you, I think this entire thing does not pass the 'sniff' test!

This is about the quality of the relationship you want to have with your significant other. I would speak out and let him know point blank that he is disrespecting your mutual relationship; something that in your estimation should be nothing less than a 'gold standard' affair.

Your daughter has likely read all manner of sexually explicit material on her own, but that is not the issue! The issue here is that of a sixty six year old man feeling compelled to share an unsolicited, sexually 'titilating' novella with his girlfriend's own daughter!

So, no devongirl.....you are not a prude and the fact that you aren't comfortable with this is because you're no fool either!

willa45, thanks so much for this, you have accurately summarised the situation in a nutshell, and thank you for your advice.

Presumably as a man of the cloth he is mixing with people of all age groups and he really needs to have a better idea of what is appropriate and what is not. If he thinks you are over-reacting he is out of touch with how the average person thinks.
No child wants to think about their parents having a sexual relationship (too icky!) and your daughter will not want to think about your partner having an interest in reading about sex.. It sounds to me like he is either trying to shock (her or you) or trying to convince her he is young and trendy.

Daughter or granddaughter?
OP said GD so why are some people insisting it is her daughter?

Oops sorry, I see she refers to her as DD as well as GD
Even more now.

:D

If you want an excuse to dump him devongirl why not just do it, instead of looking for sleazy inferences in shared novels?

It is so much more complex than that trisher, not helpful I'm afraid.

I would feel uncomfortable with the fact that your man doesn't feel uncomfortable about it.. again, I'm not a prude, as far as I'm aware
I'm sure some of the ladies here wouldn't want to pass on a book which is very explicit to their grandson. Something doesn't sit right with it.

I get it that you are uncomfortable with your OH lending the book to your DD. Its not censoring her reading, its you thinking its inappropriate for whatever reason. You've every right to your own feelings, which are a bit more complex and something to do with your relationship with him if I'm reading this correctly. However, its a book, he won't be present when she reads it. She wont necessarily be thinking of him when she reads it! I've started this book and I'm enjoying it. Its a bit reminiscent of Lady Chatterly, an upstairs, downstairs story, nothing shocking so far.. However, I was quite disturbed when reading that Booker prize winning novel about Japanese Prisoner of War camps - (The Long Road to the Far North?) very graphic descriptions of torture and death, even though its a really fine literature, I would hesitate to recommend that to anyone of a sensitive nature, but wouldn't expect anyone I recommended it to to associate me with the events in the book. So I guess what Im saying you are entitled to your feelings, but there is no"correct" response in this situation.

*When I read it, I was horrified at the idea of him (66-year-old man) lending this to my 24-year-old DD to read.

Am I being a prude? I can't begin to describe how completely inappropriate that would have been IMO.*

If that is how you really feel devongirl I can't imagine why you wouldn't dump him. At the very least he deserves someone who trusts him, you don't appear to. The minimum you could do was tell him how you felt which you seem unable to do (or why bother to post?)

I'm sure Devongirl said she emailed her partner about her concerns. She posted because she couldn't work out if the issue was her being unreasonable, or something that others might feel similarly about. Much like a lot of the other threads here. As it turns out, it seems opinions are very much split.

My book club decided on "The Long Road to the Far North"recently.
I refused to read it and wimped out of the meeting . I wish I had been stronger willed and turned up stating my opinion.
Sex in books is so often excruciating/ridiculous to the point of hysteria I tend to skip it (!) but violence and torture once read or imagined in the mind, hard to expel.

But the violence and torture in that book really happened, which is why I would consider it more disturbing. However, it's an important book which people should read ( with suitable warnings for the sensitive) as we shouldn't forget what many men had to suffer ( including the author's father) . Off topic I know, but explicit sexual scenes in fiction far less worriesome I think.

I agree with all the posters who say follow your instincts. If you find it not right that this man should lend such a book to your daughter then it is right to let him know how you feel (it's his problem if he is offended or, more likely feeling guilty).

I'd speak to your OH about your feelings. He will probably accept your concerns and might have suggested she read it in all innocence. However I get the feeling that there is something else going on here ....?

Devongirl.... This is far too complex for the rest of us!. Go with your instincts as you are the one who knows the two people.
I remember feeling a bit funny knowing that my 14 year old son was reading Lady Chatterleys Lover?. A long time ago now but I understand where you're coming from. I suspect that your DD knows nothing about this and maybe it should stay that way. My DS did go on to get a 1st in English?.
I don't think this has anything to do with prudencey but everything to do with sex and maybe respect!. It has certainly made you feel very uncomfortable.

We have neighbours who are very nice but at one time we used to think they were most odd. They moved in about three years ago. The husband works in a bank and the wife is a nurse their 3 children are all married and live else where. We look out for them when they are away as they do for us. One morning not long after they moved in the wife came home with another man after 3 hours or so he left in a taxi. Her husband came home a little later, sometimes she came home with another man or other women. One evening they invited us around for dinner and drinks. during the evening as the wine flowed her husband told my husband that 'he shares his wife with others'. We did wonder what was going on. Now we get on very well and their private life is of no concern of ours.

I'm beginning to think that devongirl is now wishing she hadn't asked for our opinions on this, and, for some reason I keep thinking that she didn't expect 'the Spanish inquisition'
www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1iBbBL1040

I've just finished reading this book ( it's really short) and I must say there's NO explicit sex in it, it's all suggested by some rather beautiful descriptions of two naked bodies after the deed. And it's only for a few pages. I think the OP was overstating its steaminess, and maybe the OH didn't interpret the book in the same way she did. I suggest she has a good long talk with him about this and their relationship.

Susied - Thanks, it's fascinating to get contrasting opinions from those who have actually read the novella! Your post highlights a whole different view. I'm looking forward to reading Mothering Sunday!

Just wondering how the DD (or GD) feels about this. When I was about 14 my mum once confiscated one of my many library books and announced it wasn't suitable for me to read. I gathered there was some sex in it. At 14 I think that was OK if she'd done it to me at 24 I would have been very angry. (I've tried to remember what the book was and I can't so I don't even know what she disapproved of!)