worried about safety re: DH and grandchildren

And the operative word is "some". Not all men (of any race, creed or political persuasion) have to be supervised around children. Not all women are wonderful examples, either,

If some women are incompetent at ANYTHING they trot out the "helpless litle girly" defence. Same roast, different gravy. Prejudiced generalisations do no-one any favours and just show up the attitudes of the speaker.

You have not answered my point about white LSP.
And I repeat "some men" may not have the experience of small children or be have a "natural" talents but it is a slur to extend that to "all men" and by extrapolation imply that "all women" are therefore perfect mothers and carers.

Our home is like Fort Knox with all the safety measures that have been mentioned
But even so with my 2 & 3 year old GS you need eyes in the back of the head.
You never now what they are going to do next.

My son soon worked out how to open safety cupboard locks,
so this time round we have put all under sink chemicals in high up cupboards out of reach. Medicines all in high cupboards in utility room
The door to utility room has bolt at the top.

We changed out front and back door twist locks to keys locks again.

Another safety tip is make sure child locks are on your car doors.
Garden gate need locks or bolts out of reach
Window locks

I once had to sprint round to next road to try and encourage a two year old who was standing on the ledge of an open upstairs window to climb back inside whilst banging on the front door.
Eventually tthe mother came to the door. She had been bathing the baby.
Luckily she managed to get hold of her toddler from inside the bedroom.

If you need to go to the loo take your GC with you.

Jayanna - I think your comment about being "so determined to care for their GC" is often the other way around! - the adult children are determined that the GP will do it! - hopefully for nowt!

In any home, whether the carers are young or old, the adults need to assess the risk and take steps accordingly. We have always had all the necessary safety paraphenalia, and the gates are tied shut etc. But that is still no guarantee of total safety and vigilance is the only answer.

I think the OP should behave as if she is looking after her GC on their own.

TBH my adult children's houses look less safe than ours!- wood burners with no guard, gate open etc. But I guess that they know their child better than anyone and are able to judge what safety precautions need to be taken.

The other safety feature that we have is to insist that if we have under 3s they come alone so we can give them our full attention.

I think we tend to forget that when our own were young most Husbands were at work and didn't do much childcare therefore did NOT learn to have eyes in the back of their head or think child safety way and above everything else. I would tear his head off if he drove like that welshmist, you must be shattered and your nerves at stretching point looking after a child and Husband.

Will you be expected to care for both DGC welshmist when the new baby is old enough?
I really think you will need to re-think the situation and perhaps it would be better to care for both children in their own home.
Your husband sounds as if he is more of a liability than any help and you would be better looking after them on your own without worrying what he is going to do next.

Their home should be set up for toddlers and they will have all their toys and necessary paraphernalia there.

welshmist I agree, any caring would be better done in the child's own home.Confide in your DD that your DH is too 'forgetful' so you will be helping out alone. Don't commit to too much child caring though, in case you cannot cope alone.?

I agree that the option of caring for the child in their own home is the way to go if the concerns cannot be solved in any other way.

Maw' in my opinion when men are not good at childcare a lot of excuses are made for them. Bless, they are men, they may need time to bond etc.

Also if a man does do a household task or look after his offspring then he is elevated to godlike status, often congratulated for babysitting his own children.

Women are expected to be natural carers, no one ever waxes lyrical about how good a mum is for babysitting her children and she rarely gets excuses made for her when she cocks up.

I think the bar for females is much higher than for men when it comes to parenting and household chores.

Just my opinion, based on my experiences, that's all.

This child has two grandparents and they should both be able to provide a safe home. The situation sounds so stressful for op, her h needs to step up.

Agree with Ana that this 'losing contact' or fear of 'losing contact' or threat of it is becoming a very worrying trend!
If we aren't able to committ to childcare ( or not enough) if we give them some choccy buttons, or do some other cardinal sin, then this vague threat seems to be hanging in the air.Not for me, I hasten to add, as my DD and DIL are not at all fussy and are glad of a break, but it would appear that many Grandparents do seem worried about it.Is it yet another symptom of Mumsnet akin to the 'toxic' MIL and the general 'poor little me'feeling?

Because of all the talk, even I got jumpy.
But I decided I was not going to kow-tow to any threat, real or imaginery.
As it turns out, it was imaginery.

But younger people should not be allowed have this hold over us.
Though the other side of the coin is, we do have to remind ourselves that our grandchildren are not our children.

Maw' in my opinion when men are not good at childcare a lot of excuses are made for them. Bless, they are men, they may need time to bond etc

This is the beginning of IMO a truly objectionable post on a par with Harry Enfield's "Women, know your limits" sketch.
Bless, they are men absolutely sticks in my craw.
Patronising, generalising, sexist, smug - none of these come near. If for "men" you substituted "women, people of colour, Jews, Muslims, people with learning difficulties" you would be deafened (and rightly) by howls of protest.
If you want equality and dignity for women, look to your own attitudes first.

After the day I had with my DGS of 22 months yesterday I am of the opinion that he should be prescribed on the NHS - he is utterly adorable - good-natured (no temper - maybe that is to come!), cheerful, comical, loving and cuddly. We would do anything to make sure he is safe.

I know that my DD is happy for us to have a very close relationship with her children - when she arrived to collect him, she crept in and silently watched from the door as he was cuddling up on my lap reading. She was delighted that he was so content and she could see it happening and be reassured that he is happy with us.

He is indeed not our child Ankers, but he, along with the other 6, are special to us and we have a special and unique relationship with each of them. Not a parent/child relationship, but something to be treasured.

I am privileged that my DDs share their children with us and that they take delight in seeing their children relate to another adult who also loves them.

I do not think that LumpySpacedPrincess was being serious in her comment Maw.

Based on the tenor of her other feminist posts,the comment comes across as more serious than Harry Enfield.
But here it is, as we could do with something lighter.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

Love it! - the accents are spot on!

And for the sake of balance:

www.google.co.uk/search?q=toilet+aiming+cell&client=firefox-b&tbm=isch&imgil=WKL6QtJ6ktjjQM%253A%253B-28Z594wJNwZZM%253Bhttps%25253A%25252F%25252Fonsizzle.com%25252Fi%25252Fthe-male-brain-crotch-scanning-area-ball-toilet-sports-dangerous-2453210&source=iu&pf=m&fir=WKL6QtJ6ktjjQM%253A%252C-28Z594wJNwZZM%252C_&usg=__5X8thg4sVzUEtKtDjHEfDwpNUek%3D&biw=1138&bih=548&ved=0ahUKEwijzM3ets7SAhWKCsAKHdS8CTYQyjcIKQ&ei=KurDWKOPEIqVgAbU-aawAw#imgrc=WKL6QtJ6ktjjQM:

Gosh - that's a big link - I hope it works!

I worked in a brain injury service and that poster was on the wall along with all the serious maps of the brain - it used to raise a bit of an eyebrow when people came to meetings!

MawBroon, sexism doesn't really work like that. Women have been oppressed by their biology for millenia with the whole of society and all major religions conspiring to make their life, as a class, intolerable.

Men, not so much.

Plus, it was a flippant comment, I apologise if I have offended you or any white males out their.

or even out there!

Yep, feminist, that's me. card carrying and t shirt wearing!

Women have been oppressed by their biology for millenia
Not always, in some civilisations women were revered for their fertility and child-bearing and not all societies have been patriarchal.
Anyway, most women do not look on it as 'oppression' - more as a joy.

Also if a man does do a household task or look after his offspring then he is elevated to godlike status, often congratulated for babysitting his own children
that is just daft - most modern men pull their weight with chores and childcare.
There may be many older couples who followed the traditional route of husband out at work and wife/mother at home - which may well have suited them for years - and obviously most of the household chores and childcare would be done by the one who spent more time at home. It sounds as if welshmist and her DH followed this route.

Perhaps welshmist's DH is getting forgetful and not 'on the ball' - I don't know how old he is but having a small child around years after your own have grown up means you have to start thinking twice about all the things you may have taken for granted for years, ie having a hot cup of coffee by your side, frying an egg.
You either have to go through the house looking through the eyes of a child and make changes or look after them in their own home - or not at all.

Thank you MawBroon, I had forgotten that one (my brain must be addled with too much information )

Very funny and it gave me a good laugh.

Luckygirl

As I said LEP
If you want equality and dignity for women, look to your own attitudes first

Plus retaining a sense of humour as well as proportion might be useful.
.