Stag and Hen dos - Following on from the Wedding thread

Have to agree with TerriBull 100% with regards to dinner and dances, I have had to endure too many ladies nights over the years & now refuse to go to any more ! When my DD was getting married ( second marriage ) she had a hen day at her house. She invited her younger cousins, her future MIL, many friends & me. We all took at least one dish for a wonderful lunch, then she had organised for someone she had met while networking to produce a Mama Mia video. It was hilarious ,I have to add that I was an onlooker, making appropriate (?) remarks! The younger participants all dressed up in Abba type outfits, with wigs and all. Then we had cake & wine tea followed by a lady from Stella & Dot jewellery showing us her wares, but with no pressure at all to buy. In the evening we all took cabs to a local restaurant , where more friends joined us . We each payed for our own meals, so it wasn't an expensive day & we all had a terrific day.

Seem to have lost jingls ?

Luckygirl - I don't mix in exalted company I think I'm down to earth. Previous dinner and dances I referred to have been associated with either the company I worked for or my other half's at the time. I'm going back a few decades when some companies liked to waste money on this sort of affairs and they expected everyone to attend, I don't think I was the only one who found them a complete drag. I echo Lavande, I am now determined to resist pressure to take part in things like this, my time belongs to me. My husband belongs to a golf club, that's his hobby which is fine, but I have no interest in going to any of their social occasions including dinner and dances

I have never been to a hen night, I am talking about earlier days of course, although I think it is more common now for mums to be invited. Am I alone?

One of the reasons my Sister-iL stopped talking to us was that we were unprepared to spend a fortune going to her son's wedding in San Francisco!!!! She was furious. We even investigated sending the young man's godson, DS2 alone, but it was just too much.

My own SiL has started refusing going to stag dos because they are too expensive, as they still have to give wedding presents, and they take up his entire holiday allowance that he prefers [understandably] to spend with his wife and daughters.

When I retired from work, I determined that I would resist pressure to take part in anything that I really did not want to do. The list includes weddings in exotic places and hen nights.

Having said that, a party of women in their 40's (approx) boarded the train I was on heading up to Sheffield. They were in full hen party regalia and were in high spirits. I groaned at the thought of having to endure raucous noise and behaviour for the next hour or so. Instead, they were having so much fun and clearly enjoying each other's company that it became infectious and I found that I, and the rest of the carriage was being more entertained than annoyed.

Still, it's not my thing. Apart from not being able to hold as much alcohol these days and choosing to spend my pension in other ways.

Terribull - no-one has ever invited me to a dinner dance, and are never likely to! What exalted company you must move in!

Stag and hen nights have got totally out of hand - bonkers! - and a waste of money.

For many it is just a chance to get totally pissed. There is a wonderful scene in Kate Atkinson's latest book describing drunken hen-nighters in York with their flashing penis "antlers" - it would be funny if it was not so pathetic.

Modern weddings again. All about spending at a time when young people need funds. The couple form out thousands and guests are hammered too. Daft.

Our DS had his stag 'do' in Brussels, cheap flights, cheap hotel, lots of sightseeing, very little drinking.
DH, the bride's father and our DS's Godfather (who was also a groomsman) were in the party, along with best man, groomsman, and two long time friends of DS.
DH and I paid for the flights and accommodation for DS, DH, best man and both groomsmen, it seemed fair as they were the actual 'Groom's Party'.
We also paid for the hire of Morning Suits, etc for the five 'main men', we felt that as they were wearing what they were told to, it would have been unfair to expect them to pay.
It turned out to be a huge mistake paying for the stag weekend and suit hire for one groomsman (not DS's Godfather) as his wedding gift to the happy couple was £20, this from a young man who earns over 40k pa, had his house bought for him outright by his parents, and holidays in Dubai twice a year!

suzied - she must be nuts

I popped round to see a neighbour a while back and her son told me she had gone away for a hen weekend - to Brazil!!!!

There are other things I would lump into this category "dinner and dances", personally found them dull affairs and they always involved the expense of an evening type dress, shoes, little clutch bag etc. to languish for evermore at the back of the wardrobe. Whilst these would be associated with work or partner's work, I have told my husband I now reserve the right not to have to attend, what in my opinion are "duty events" he has given up wittering on about a table of 6/8 to his golf club dinner and dance because he knows my views, which are "forking out on clothes I don't want in order to dress up like a dog's dinner, to eat indifferent food and to spend the evening talking to people I hardly know and have little interest in" God I sound awful

I love going out really, especially together or with our mutual friends, and I quite enjoy dressing up, but not to that extent. I feel it's my prerogative to turn down situations that I don't want to waste my time or money on, although he frequently offers to pay for any garb I would need, but I would rather spend such an amount on a week-end away, far better value imo. He kind of agrees with me, but old habits die hard. He wasn't happy when I turned down the afternoon tea invitation at the time, but got over it. It's good to hear other people feel the same, I do wonder if it's just me who feels like this. I have no problem with those who enjoy these sort of events, but I don't. Horses for courses!

It's not just spa days/weekends or teas either. I was speaking to a friend yesterday and her daughter is off to Portugal for a hen do. Seems a fairly common practice as well!!

100 % with you thatbags! how is minibags these days?

YANBU and yes, it is reasonable and perfectly acceptable to politely turn down invitations that one feels might cost one more than one can really afford.

Actually, it's always acceptable to politely turn down invitations to things you'd rather not attend. And you don't have to give a reason.