To want to see my daughter and granddaughter

I should have said you need NOT explain anything .....

You need explain anything to J08.

And J08 - perhaps if you have nothing valuable to contribute, don't. Quite right you are no good at agony aunting - empathy is the key.

So sad. Wish I could help. But I guess I'm not too good at agony aunting.

I wrote my first ever post out of desperation from missing my grand-daughter. I thank all of you for taking the time in your lives to respond to this sad situation with kind words . To J08 , I have and do spend every waking moment wondering why , because my DD had seemed to have overcome so much as she built her home up to the point where we felt so welcome and frankly overwhelmed that she wanted us to share so much of her life. My sisters are trying to help but to no avail and not knowing makes my task all the more difficult . I am slowly coming around to the understanding that some people cannot empathise and the hurtful things they do are done without them being able to understand the damage caused to others . I would not judge people because you never know what made them insensitive but in my daughter's case, I now wonder whether it was all an act , and that somehow , 15+ years later , she has retained issues from her childhood which she has never worked through . I have offered to attend therapy together but when people shut off , there is nothing you can do . We are not hopeful and that is the difficulty . We simply miss the DGD , D and SiL .

OTW, what a very , very sad situation .

My heart goes out to you , easy for me say I know , but try and be strong X

Otw10413 this must be very hard to bear, but you will find a lot of support here, especially if you find the thread "Cut out of their lives" (have I got that right, folks?) where there are many GNs in similar situations. All I can offer, I'm afraid, is ((hugs)). Keep posting - it does help.

Well, I knew that post was going to get me into trouble with someone or other. So I reported it myself, requesting that it be read in context before judgement is passed.

So it's up to Gransnet. I make no apologies. I think it is more constructive to try to get to the bottom of these situations.Otherwise you can't possibly help. Only give sympathy which might be a temporary sticking plaster, but no real use in the long run.

J08, I am almost at a loss to understand your response to the OP. When someone says she has no idea why this has all happened, I do her the courtesy of believing her. She has obviously been over and over her daughter's behaviour and although she doesn't understand her, she has experienced it in the past. 'Perhaps you just want sympathy' - well, it's evident that she isn't going to get it from you this time. I don't like your use of 'blame' in this context. Why should the OP blame herself? There are probably circumstances she knows nothing of and which her daughter is unlikely to confide.
I get on well with my sons and their partners but there was a time when I was - mercifully briefly - threatened with separation from my first GD which I believed was due to her mother's (DS's ex) being stoned at the time. So I can understand the OP's despair at this separation.

You say that she says "we're done", and that you have no idea why she has done this. I find that a bit hard to swallow. Something must have triggered it. I think you need to get to the bottom of why this has happened and, if you really want sensible advice, give us a bit more information.

Or perhaps you just want sympathy. If so, well, I would hate to be in that situation. But I've no doubt I would be shouldering some of the blame myself.

Otw your post made my cry. There is hope always. Hold on to that.

Don't stop trying Otw. If your DD has distanced herself in the past and come back, there is hope she will do so again. I do hope it doesn't last long - te heartache of beng denied contact with your grandchild can be unbearable.

To Greatnan,Thank you . I know the difficulties associated with watching a loved one embroiled in drug abuse - probably one of the hardest 'bad ' choices a parent has to stand by and watch/ my heart goes out to you.

My daughter has had repeated bouts of similar behaviour when she estranged us previously with my ex-husband's approbation, over the last 15 years but seemed to have completely distanced herself from it when my GD was born . I will keep trying but it is hard to know how trust will ever be restored as she has the power to repeat such behaviour . My good wishes to you and yours .

You have my full sympathy, as I too have been cut off from all contact with my daughter and three of her four adult children. I do know that my loss is due to the fact that she is suffering from paranoid delusions as a result of years of codeine abuse.
It must be even harder for you if you have no idea why your daughter has done this. I can only suggest you do as I do - just keep sending loving cards and messages through anybody who can contact her.