BENEFITS AND VERY STRANGE FRIEND!!

thank you ladies, very sound advice!! I am f book friend with her so will keep subltle eye open, but my OH AND ME still reeling from her attitude of take take take!!

I did know what she was like but was fond of her and tried to hope she would settle, I tried to tell her about having her partner living there and she lied to me and said was above board. Quite a few of the other Mums at school are on to her and do not hesitate to grass her up I feel that is vindictive, but must admit she probably asks for it.

I am keeping a distance now!!

We gave her our 3 piece suite when we got new one so at least the little one has comfy chairs, I have been good support to her, and in her own way she has tried to be kind to me but this last year has been take take take, agree is time to step back"

Earlier on in the year DD joined a group of young mum's at the local community centre with the view of showing them how to cook meals etc from scratch and to budget their money,DD has always been good in the kitchen and always fed the children homemade meals and cakes.
Of the dozen or so girls who first turned up for the course after 4/5 weeks there where only 4 left who showed any interest,and the stupid thing was that when they first started the classes the girls where about £20/25 a week better off by cooking from scratch they obviously could not be bothered to continue.
celegran I think you can only help people so much then step away there are givers in this world but an awful lot of takers seem to be appearing and they know the benifits system inside out.I would just keep a quiet eye on the little boy if possible and let your friend fend for herself from now on,and don't forget to take care of yourself.

celebgran.

Perhaps now you will judge such people and their stories with a little bit of caution. That is so sad as you are obviously a decent person. Remember you are not the one with the problem. People become very crafty and are not in the least bit ashamed to do what they do. They know how to play the system and I'm sorry to say play on others emotions to their benefit.

I do think a reality check every now and then is not necessarily a bad thing. It sounds as if your 'friend' is getting plenty of help from the system so I would try and let go knowing she is well and you have no reason to continue contact with her.

I would urge you to stick to your guns because at a later date she may just try to involve you in her life again, that's what people who use others do I'm afraid. I've been there, done that and got the t.shirt as the saying goes.

Sadly I think the youngsters of today think they are poor when they truly are not. I can remember when we had to sell the lead we had taken off the roof when it was re-tiled, just to feed the family 'till the end of the month (we got £5 for it) but we didn't think of ourselves as poor. I was happy to buy children's clothes from charity shops, and I certainly never had my hair done or nails etc. I cut my OH's hair (and still do) and we managed just fine, in fact we were very happy. Neither did it enter our minds to claim any sort of benefit.
I know I sound "old" speaking like this, but compared to the war years we were very well off and my Mother used to tell me so; so I suppose things change each generation

When I first escaped a friend gave me her portable tv. It was small but served it's purpose for around 3 years until I could afford to replace it with a bigger but still budget version.

When I told the children in my class that I was excited because I was going to get a 26 inch flatscreen they looked on me with obvious pity. It was just before Christmas and that year several of them were getting 40+ inch televisions for their bedrooms some even plasma (I still don't know what that means lol).

Expectations of possessions seem to be far higher these days.

Oh dear. I read a bit out the paper this week to DH which said if it wasn't for a food parcel the single mum in the article's Christmas lunch for her and her family would have been beans on toast (actually I was saying to him, I don't believe that's true). DH drily replied "I bet she has a mobile phone and a flat screen TV". Which then set me off reminiscing about the fact that I grew up without a telephone in the house. If we wanted to phone anyone, we walked to the "tickey-box" or we would walk to my grandparents' house, who did have a phone in their later years, and politely ask permission to use it!

You've done the right thing but it's now time to pull back for your own peace of mind.

Many people with drink problems are takers. They don't see that they're doing anything wrong.

Helping people is all well and good but you must protect yourself first.

I was like you for years. Giving strangers a bed for night, giving homeless people a warm coat and many many other examples. I was sometimes given a kick in the teeth.
My DD would go on at me and tell me not to pick up every waif and stray. I learnt my lesson some years ago and now I look at people differently and take a step back before I rush in. And I have to say: I feel better for it.

Hadn't heard that one grace like it!

Some of us go through life being trusting and then get trodden on time and time again but I prefer that to being suspicious and cynical about everything. Don't change celebgran stay as you are, a lovely person.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give him a fishing rod and with luck he'll be away all weekend?
Sorry, not being flippant. Celebgran you have been kind and alas found out that there are some selfish exploitative people out there. This family will survive and you won't change them.
I am sorry you have been let down, but you need to move on. It is a hard lesson and can leave a bit of a bad taste, but save your kindness for more deserving people.

Oh celegran you have helped her and done your best but just been used. MrsJ is right I saw a girl on the news last night who was being given a food parcel and I wondered how much it had cost her to have her long afrocarribean hair straightened and blonded. Perhaps enough to feed her child for a week?

A food bank is about to open here and I wondered what reaction I would get if I offered a pamphlet with recipes for feeding a family very cheaply. DH said it would not be acceptable but there is the old saying 'give a man a fish...............'

What a difficult situation for you. On the one hand you want to do the best for the little boy who is growing up in less than ideal circumstances, but on the other it certainly looks as if his mother is taking whatever she can lay her hands on and is not thinking of anyone but herself.

Probably keeping your distance is a good strategy, because your first responsibility is to your own health and strength.

The world seems to be divided into the givers and the takers.