Cross about over use of the word heroic

carlotta you should be ashamed at the posting that you made,anything which will ease the pain just a wee bit will be good for GAs DD and for GA so well done to them,I know of a family who have not been able to communicate with anyone since they lost their son,so everyone handle's the loss in a differant way. Shame on you

Can't beat physical activity as a way of helping to heal oneself.

carlotta cannot believe what you have just posted! how dare you make such a rash statement! grief is a personal journey there is no right or wrong way to cope only your own way and that is what gas daughter is doing.when she is ready she will do something else and her mother will be beside her just as she is now I am crying as I type this their grief is so raw how can anyone critise them!

Yup charlotta I'd say uncalled for.

… and a heart of gold.

"…your husband/son in law gets blown up by a bomb." I feel very small, rather pathetic and quite embarrassed and wonder how I dare believe that I have any right even to talk about this. I wouldn't know where to begin if this had happened in my family and am impressed with your strength and support for your daughter grannyactivist. You may feel fragile but you obviously have a core of steel.

Thanks for encouragement Baggy and absent. A bit like parenting; there is no handbook for what to do if your husband/son in law gets blown up by a bomb! Am feeling a wee bit fragile at the moment.

Keep up the good work, GA. I'm sure it helps her and I'm sure she appreciates it.

Charlotta - your comment on this thread is a little 'trollish' and, in my view, it is somewhat rash of you, or perhaps deliberately provocative, to express an opinion on my daughter's state of mind. Or perhaps you have met her and feel confident that you understand her? Please advise me as to what will make her feel better, happier and more relaxed - you see I'm floundering trying to help her to get through each day and offer the support she needs without dictating to her, and it seems you're far more knowledgeable about these things than I am. (tongue in cheek emoticon)
I must say though, that I am very grateful that you are NOT my daughter's mother as I fear you would clash somewhat.

Charlotta Surely grannyactivist's daughter is an adult and can make up her own mind about what she wants to do, why she wants to do it and how she we
wants to do it. Is it not a bit of an assumption that her actions are masochistic (overused and misused word) rather than challenging (overused and misused word)? Coming to terms with the reality of death is a process and grieving is part of the process – you don't come to terms with grief, or at least I don't think so. I may be wrong but I think all this is quite recent and raw in the lives of grannyactivist's family and one way of dealing with this kind of pain is something hard and physical – works for some.

I think GA's daughter has to come to terms with her grief in her own way. She has chosen the heroic way, or it chose her. Chambers describes 'heroic' as "using extreme or elaborate means to obtain a desired result". None of us can know how we would behave in similar circumstances unless we've been through the same pain.

What on earth is grannyactivist's daughter doing in her grief running over the moors and through a sheep dip. WHY?

If she were my daughter I would move heaven and earth to get her out of this masochistic state of mind and get her to do something which makes her feel better, happier, more relaxed to help her finally come to terms with her tragedy. There must be other ways.

Her husband was undoubtedly a hero and heros and heroines are a product of the situation they find themselves in. We would all want to save a child from drowning but only that person on the riverbank can do so.

greenmoss You got my point.
In the case of my SIL the appropriate word to describe his actions in the events leading up to his death is 'heroic'. He was a 'hero' in the true and obvious sense of the word.
The other two scenarios I describe include 'heroic' responses and actions , but I would be very wary of describing the people as 'heroes'. Brave, courageous - yes. Some of the efforts and actions they have taken can truly be described as 'heroic', especially in the first case described. But - as greenmoss points out, I think there is a word missing from the English lexicon. Neither my daughter or the couple I mentioned would dream of describing themselves as heroes, but quite what they are I can't easily put a name to.
I also think that the word 'hero' conjures up a sort of two dimensional character. Most heroes are described as such because of specific daring actions, often taken during times of conflict or in response to a specific situation or threat. The 'unsung' heroism mentioned in an earlier post is about the day to day difficulties people are faced with in their lives, but which usually involves no threat to personal safety.
Hmm - so much complexity in one little word.

I agree, absent. The media is at fault for using often inflammatory and inappropriate descriptions/adjectives. Tabloid (and often broadsheets) have used wording that has sold their papers, irrespective of how 'close' to the actual subject the wording may be. As you say, the Lifeboats, and and the other great group - the Mountain Rescue, who have, I believe, no funding other than voluntary (correct me if I'm wrong?) apply themselves heroically to their calling. Often sons following fathers into the teams of volunteers. There are so many ordinary people just quietly getting on with it as do the youngsters you spoke about. No funding for them either.

Jangly I have just returned to the forum and see that you have not left. Good. as I like to see your posts and I enjoyed the thread marathon, though perhaps that is not something to be repeated too often, it does confuse the non-participants.

I am sad to hear that you are on medication for depression. You should have told us, then we would all have cheered you up instead of reacting to your rather fraught post.

A short rest from posting without unsubscribing could be a good thing. When you feel a bit calmer and happier, come back and see us. And keep taking the medication.

Surely there are lot of different kinds of heroism, from the courage of a soldier prepared to risk his life to save his comrades to the volunteers who man the lifeboats around our coast and from the child who of necessity has become the main carer in the family and still manages to get to school to those who devote their time, efforts, affections and often whole lives to the care of those less able and less fortunate. Perhaps we need a new word as, like so many others, heroic has become debased by the frequency it is applied to all and sundry by some of the media.

Well said, greenmoss.

Grannyactivist, your daughter's love for her husband and his memory will be recognised and stay in the hearts and minds of those who have never had the honour of meeting either of them. As with the elderly friends who, with the unconditional love that they gave their foster children for so many years, have done this without question. On many occasions they will have been frightened, perhaps even of their sons. On so many other occasions they'll have been frightened and saddened by the attitude of others who didn't understand. Perhaps there isn't a word to describe the type of love and dedication that gave them the strength to do this. 'Heroism' doesn't seem apt - not like that shown by your son-in-law. He showed the utmost bravery that can possibly be. How many of us could sit here now and say we could do the same thing, unless it was to save the lives of those we know and love dearly? David Walliams, in my mind isn't a 'hero'. He did a fine thing of course, by raising money and consequently awareness as he did, but he wasn't on his own. There was back-up all the way. For people like your lovely daughter and your elderly friends, the word heroism isn't the right one. I don't think there is one word that can describe the pure love, dedication and determination that shines from people like them.

jangly I was quite shocked when I logged on this morning as I had no idea that I had caused something of a fuss and that I had hurt your feelings. I am relieved that you are not angry with me and I think girlish enthusiasm when you are close to your seventieth birthday is to be applauded. I shall miss your posts, many of which have brought a smile to my face on an otherwise dreary day and I do hope you reconsider in the future, if not now.

jangly just make sure that is what you want and you are not being rash!

absent, thank you for your post.

They haven't (as you can see!) un-subscribed me yet, but I think I will let my email to GNHQ stand. I probably spend too much time on here anyway.

The post to Glass was girlish. I can't apologise for that. Glass seems to "get" me somehow.

For goodness sake, don't be upset at all on my behalf.

I will still be able to read the website, just not post. (I think that's how it works)

GA your daughter and and you, in supporting her, are the unsung heroes in this life. Their are a few about, including your friends with the schizophrenic foster sons, and we should cherish them. I think heroes and heroines come in all guises, there are many who never get the credit they deserve, they are not all in the public eye.

jangly I had no intention of insulting you and am genuinely sorry that I seem to have done so. I used the word besotted because your posts about "seeing him" – in capital letters if I remember correctly – were extraordinarily excited and, dare I say it, girlish in their enthusiasm. It was not a criticism, simply an observation. I like enthusiasm in people and wish there was more of it. There seems to me to be too much general grumpiness and moaning among young and old in our society. I am distressed that I appear to be the cause of your wishing to unsubscribe from gransnet as not only do I find your posts interesting, intriguing, funny (on humorous subjects) and sensible (on serious ones), I think you enjoy gransnet. Many other people delight in your posts too and I feel very bad about spoiling things for them, albeit inadvertently. I ask you to reconsider unsubscribing and to accept my apology for hurting your feelings with an ill-chosen expression.

I was going to respond to what expatmaggie posted, but GA's post says it all.

In my book, your daughter is both heroic and courageous, GA. I .... this is hard to say without it 'sounding' wrong on a screen, but I think you know I mean it only in a good sense and from the heart .... I hope her heroism and courageousness is helping her (will help her, ultimately) to cope with her terrible grief and to find contentment again.

But, there is something in what expat says, too, that I agree with. For some years now I have felt uncomfortable with the "corporate creep" of most of the big organisations that have charitable status. It seems to me that many of them now behave more like capitalist businesses. I know it's for good but I am bothered by the means to the end. It just doesn't feel right. Just me being 'picky' again, perhaps, but that is what thinking is for.