Cut out of their lives

It seems inhumane to me that relatives of the child are not always considered first, and I gather it is happening more nowadays.

I have good news, especially for you chadsky - I have just learned that the child that my sister has been fostering went to her grandmother yesterday - permanently! Social Services saw no reason to delay any further and sorted out the last details on Friday. My sister and her husband are delighted and have been invited to go and visit the child any time. Isn't that fabulous news?

Carol It does seem a terrible thing for a parent and other relatives that care about a child to lose a him/her to adoption.

No, being in care is used for a variety of purposes, and where possible children and parents are encouraged and helped to maintain contact, unless it is determined it is not in the best interests of the child - who makes that decision often causes such consternation and debate, because by the time it comes before a family court judge there may have been a long gap in contact that has done (sometimes) irreparable damage to the relationship.

I remember one harrowing case, it was about 15 years ago, when a 3 year old child had been separated from her drug-using mother who was in rehab 200 miles away, for over a year. Although the court recognised that, based on mum's progress, she would be likely to demonstrate that she had remained drug-free for 2 years if she kept up progress for another 12 months, they still went ahead and placed the child for adoption! Mum fought tooth and nail but it still happened. That shocked me - the social workers at the time were influenced by current thinking that adoption should be swift and children cannot wait too long for their parents to improve. But that was a long time ago - I hope the system is not used so punitively now.

People get so entrenched in the mess they have created that there is no option but more nastiness which is why going to Court, having people completely unconnected make a decision, gives everyone the space to start a new and hopefully more positive way. That surely must work.

And Carol, does being taken into care mean that you lose all contact? Madness and how does that help the child.

chadsky

Carol I was also there when my darling grandaughter was born- and have had her every weekend until she was took into care - so I know how awful that feels -

Carol and he will start asking questions, as you have been such a big part of his life - evidence is needed of course for the courts - but also for himm so that he can see how much effort you put into trying to get contact - his mother will only store up resentment - because when he finds out the truth he willresent her,

My son is taking the issue to court chadsky. For as long as we have been able to keep seeing my grandson on and off, he has kept back, but this time she has not capitulated at the last minute so the application for contact order goes in this week. It couldn't be more acrimonious than is has become, and because she is alienating my grandson from his father, we have kept evidence of all attempts that have been made to resolve things for when my grandson starts asking questions.

Chadsky
My son took his case to the Family Court but that only resulted in further acrimony and 'Parental Alienation'of my grandson from his mother and new partner.
I would never recommend court action as the law stands at present.It usually makes things worse and harms the children.

Nightowl - we value your support - Carol - you are right - the bottom oour worlds dropped out - and it can happen to anyone, no one is imume.

It is awful when one partner poisions the opinions of a child against the other - When my first husband and I split up, we both agreeed that this would not happen, the children were older though and understood the reasons why we split, but telling children lies about another parent is not right at all - I feel for you and your son - could your son take it to the courts to force access - with his son - but from the sound of it she would not even co-operate with that either.

I will right to my MP grandparents need to be included - just a thought what about one of these on line petitions other causes have made the government discuss their gripes etc - and I am sure there is enough of us all over the country to get our rights talked about.

Grandparents deserve better!! x

I have sent letter to my MP.

I feel exactly the same Maniac. I could live more contentedly knowing my son was seeing my grandson x

I like that idea. Get a politician to do a webchat.
But we could do with a few more MPs asking if grandparents could be put in government bill.
Government bills usually go through
Private members bills usually dont.

Thank you Carol and all those of you who have written to your M.P. on the Grandchildren's issue.
Way back in Sep a Gransnet campaign was suggested.I'm glad it has now gained some momentum.We need to keep up the pressure for the children's rights.
Like you Carol in the the space of a year the bottom has dropped out of my world.but I would back down on my 'rights' if only the relationship between my son and his son could be restored.
The wheels of law grind slowly but if things are not changed it could happen to any family who currently think their relationships are secure.

Good!

Thanks Annobel. It does feel like we are all starting to gather some strength in numbers now. I feel driven by Chadsky's small steps, too. There are so many different reasons for us being separated from our grandchildren, but the effect is the same. There's more we can do, I'm sure, and there's nothing like a challenge to get things moving.

Here's a copy of the email I have sent to Andrew Percy MP (on a roll now!), and I have copied Geraldine and co in:

To: Andrew Percy MP

Dear Mr Percy

May I bring your attention to Gransnet, a relatively new (May 2011) website for grandparents which has a lot of members who also want to try and do something about the distressing issue of grandparents losing contact with their grandchildren.

I noticed you delivered a petition to Downing Street in December 2011, although I don't remember it being publicised. As you are in contact with the Children's Minister, Tim Loughton, it would be appreciated if you could update the Gransnet members as to how things are progressing with your bill.

I have copied in the Gransnet email address. They regularly invite politicians and other prominent and influential people to come along to their offices for an hour-long webchat. You would be guaranteed a very large internet audience if you were able to engage in a discussion with we Gransnetters. We have so many questions about what can be done to promote access to grandchildren following separation and divorce.

Would you please read some of the forum discussions and other web pages on the Gransnet site that cover this issue? Here is a link that is a live discussion with a lot of personal stories and opinions, which will demonstrate our concerns.

www.gransnet.com/forums/am_i_being_unreasonable/1189101-Cut-out-of-their-lives

Many thanks for reading my email, which is sent to you with the knowledge of other Gransnetters who are contributing to this discussion.If you speak to the Gransnet organisation, they will give you a clear view of the issue we are hoping to bring to public attention, and so get some positive action. I have also written to my local MP, Paul Goggins.

Kind regards

Carol, I have now sent the letter by email to my MP (David Rutley, Con, Macclesfield). He is punctilious in replying to letters and emails, so I will let you know what he says.

I'm just in the middle of emailing Andrew Percy MP, asking him to read this and other forums on Gransnet, and informing him that he would get a very large audience, should he want to engage in a discussion with us on a live webchat. If you don't ask, you don't get!

Oh right. Interesting. Have written to my MP.
Go grans.

This was on Andrew Percy MP's website, which I've just found. I missed this when it happened:

Downing Street Petition for Grandchildren's Rights of Access to Grandparents

Thursday, 08 December 2011 16:15

I have just come back from submitting a petition with more than 7,200 signatures to the Prime Minister at Number 10 Downing Street. The petition calls for greater rights of access for grandchildren to their grandparents as it is estimated one million children have no contact with their grandparents.

I joined with the Grandparents’ Association who organised the petition, Robert Halfon MP and local resident, Dorothy, who has been affected by this issue and has long campaigned on it.

I currently have a bill passing through Parliament which intends to put pressure on the Government to give grandchildren greater rights and have previously met with Children’s Minister, Tim Loughton MP. I plan to continue my campaign by going back to the Minister following the handover of the petition.

www.andrewpercy.org/downing-street-petition-for-grandchildrens-rights-of-access-to-grandparents.html

Thanks Jingl

This does seem to be an obvious campaign for Gransnet HQ to take up with us.

Carol, what a nightmare!

That's a good idea Glass.