Husband doesn't want me to look after grandchild once a week

I don’t think the OP will be too keen on coming back any time soon!

I would be interested to know if any agreement has been reached.

As your job with your husband is unpaid just tell him you are cutting your voluntary work from five days to four. He must have managed before you started helping two years ago. I suspect the arrival of a grandchild for you has changed the whole dynamic for him.

Delila

What a strange way of interpreting what this post is all about, Lathyrus.

Well I think interpreting the husband as controlling, a bully, sbudive, violent, intimidating, snd more because he is unhappy - posters words- is a pretty strange way of interpreting things too.

But it seems quite a normal thing to some posters.

Don’t dare to disagree or even suggest something might not be a good idea. Especially if it involves a grandchild.

Obviously that’s a very “unhealthy” relationship 🙄

NotSpaghetti

I stoll think that offering one "workaround" that the other party isn't convinced by cannot be called a compromise.

These two need to talk like adults about it.

Exactly!

“Offering one workaround” and “talking like adults about it” are not mutually exclusive - that’s probably what happened next.

*still think

I stoll think that offering one "workaround" that the other party isn't convinced by cannot be called a compromise.

These two need to talk like adults about it.

Rum for me

I'm a pirate

What a strange way of interpreting what this post is all about, Lathyrus.

Some strange responses on here. The man's yet to be born (as my late Mother loved saying) who, d stop me from going to see new grandchild. What difference will it make. I'm with you Blondiescot and Violet Sky can I come for tea and cake?!. Maybe a strong gin required though😁.

I think in most instances, if someone were saying they would choose seeing their grandchild over their husband, it's because the husband trying to prevent it is unhealthy and that sort of unhealthy is manifesting in other ways...

But trying to separate a wife from her family would be a final straw

Lathyrus

If my mum had said Dad isn’t happy about me babysitting do I’ve had to choose between the baby and him and I’ve chosen the baby, my alarm bells would be ringing for sure.

You don’t get much more intense than that.

If my mum had said that, I'd have wanted to know exactly what his problem was. But he's not her dad, is he? And maybe therein lies the rub...

If my mum had said Dad isn’t happy about me babysitting do I’ve had to choose between the baby and him and I’ve chosen the baby, my alarm bells would be ringing for sure.

You don’t get much more intense than that.

Delila

There you go again Lathyrus.

The truth is the OP would like to devote one day a week to being with her new baby grandchild.

Somehow you’ve extended this to mean she intends to give up on her marriage in order to spend time with her new grandchild.

She has put this to her husband, he’s not happy, she has suggested a compromise - why not stick to the only facts we’ve been given. It could lead to trouble, it probably won’t. I doubt if the OP will feel like coming back to tell us.

Well said. And I hardly think a grandmother wishing to spend one day a week with her first grandchild suggests someone wishing to be 'too intensively involved'. It seems quite reasonable to me, and I don't even like babies!

Lathyrus I was agreeing with another poster on family first

How about you try not twisting everything I say for once

Then maybe your comments would have more weight

And by the way, please don’t explain compromise to me again - I’ve been making them all my life, as have most of us I guess.

"Dear me, the number of threads we see where parents feel the grandparents are too intensely involved in their baby" yes, I said as much earlier Lathyrus.

You couldn't make it up could you.

There you go again Lathyrus.

The truth is the OP would like to devote one day a week to being with her new baby grandchild.

Somehow you’ve extended this to mean she intends to give up on her marriage in order to spend time with her new grandchild.

She has put this to her husband, he’s not happy, she has suggested a compromise - why not stick to the only facts we’ve been given. It could lead to trouble, it probably won’t. I doubt if the OP will feel like coming back to tell us.

Imagine if f your mother said she had given up on her marriage so that she was free to soend lots of time with your baby😱

VioletSky

Yes, I would put my children first too

It’s not her child.

The baby already has a loving parents who will put them first.

Dear me, the number of threads we see where parents feel the grandparents are just too intensely involved in their baby.

I don’t know what else “choosing between them “ could mean.
This relationship or this relationship.

I think he was very sensible to say it will have this effect on the business.

It’s the OP that is demanding he’s happy about her choice. And he isn’t.

That’s it. He isn’t happy about her choice. And somehow that makes him controlling and abusive and apparently some kind of monster that terrifies her according to the post above.

He’s not happy with her choice. The business will suffer.

That’s it. That’s all he’s said.

Yes, I would put my children first too

Where does it say she would leave him? 'Choosing between them' doesn't necessarily mean that. But rest assured that if any man attempted to make me choose between him and my children or grandchild - for whatever reason - then that choice would be very easy indeed. And people 'walk away' from relationships for any number of reasons - it certainly doesn't necessarily mean they don't care any more.

If one party blocks a way forward

Do you mean if one party won’t give in to what the other wants?

Anyway she didn’t say he’d blocked it, just that he was unhappy about the effect it was going to have on the business.

Compromise is hard also when one party refuses to take into account the consequences of their decision.