HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE THIS?

A high majority of posters have said the level of surveillance is disturbing, not all
I do not think that at all

Nicolette—what is your intuition about what is going on? As everyone has said, and as you clearly indicate, this level of surveillance and control of a seven year old child is quite disturbing. What do you and your partner think is going on? Is this your daughter’s idea, her boyfriend’s idea? What do they say is the origin and goal of this practice? And what do you suspect it is about?

OMG this is ringing alarm bells for me. ("Weird" is the mildest word I'd use!) Certainly I wouldn't agree to this intrusive camera monitoring of my own DGD, in my home....
Lots of wise comments and good advice being given here by GNs. IMO you need to trust your own gut feelings on this matter - and to act on them.

This is seriously weird, your GD needs privacy and your daughter is making her unnecessarily over dependant upon her. Frankly, the first thing I thought was that she was worried about what your GD would tell you.

Sorry, I think this is weird. What exactly is the camera needed for? I think you need to discuss this whole situation with your daughter. What about your grandchild's privacy?

My daughter would be on the phone if she happens to be viewing the camera and finds GD awake or up playing so us not viewing it wouldn't be an option unfortunately.

Are you saying your daughter would expect you to be watching the monitor all the time? Overnight?
Does your daughter do this, does she never sleep?

I think you did the right thing by refusing to have this camera in your home Nicolette.

I wouldn't allow it unless there's a very good reason and none appears to have been given. It's unhealthy for your GD and your D.

I would be curious as to why your daughter feels it necessary to monitor her daughter's behaviour in her bedroom, but I don't feel it is to spy on you. You say the relations with your daughter are frosty, so I don't suppose it would be easy to have a friendly chat about the necessity for the camera. It may be that she is an anxious mother, or the daughter won't stay in bed, or for reassurance when she can't sleep, but that is a family thing.
The important thing is to maintain a relationship with your granddaughter and continue her fortnightly visits. She may be apprehensive about sleeping forty miles away from home even with people she knows and loves so let it go and don't make an issue out of it. Things may change.

This is not usual Nicolette2022 I think you need to find out what the problem is with your daughter. Sounds like she is overly concerned about safety and this is affecting her daily life and family around her. You should get some help with this before it escalates to more unreasonable proportions. In the meantime I would go along with it but offer reassurance and try to find a reason for her behaviour.

Why do you want to have the child overnight ? If her home is so disruptive and she needs the camera for reassurance just go with it .
It all sounds really odd

This is so wrong on so many levels. Your house, your rules, this is definitely not normal.

It sounds very unhealthy and its not normal for a child to be observed in this way and to never have privacy.. I feel it will harm the little girl mentally. I would be seeking advice from Social Services.

Hithere

Her daughter her rules

There could be a reason why your dd wants a cam, maybe it is the first sleep over and dd or gd is anxious

Not worth fighting it

Seriously? No room for negotiation? In the OP’s own home?

I think that this needs a conversation if possible. If the child is happier knowing she can talk to her mum, for instance, that would put a different slant on things.

Nicolette, can you suggest that the camera is only switched on when your granddaughter is alone in the room? That way, there is no question of you being monitored (I would strongly object to that!) and the arrangement would be between your daughter and granddaughter.

I think it sounds very unhealthy, but ultimately it is your daughter’s call. Where you come into it is that it is your home, and I think that you do have a say about what happens there. You do, however, need to be prepared for being told that it’s your daughter’s way or the highway, and have decided what you would do if that happened.

Very very strange I ve never come across this or heard of anyone doing it
Presumable the camera only shows the bedroom your granddaughter is in, so not invasive of you or your home
Totally wrong for your granddaughter and I wouldn’t want to be part of it, I m afraid I wouldn’t use it I think it will be very damaging to the little girl

I have to say I find this more than a little weird.
What on earth is she expecting to see?

V3ra

It sounds like a trust issue, but who doesn't your daughter trust?
Your granddaughter?
Her boyfriend?
You?
Your husband?
Is your granddaughter happy to have the camera watching her?

I'd certainly be taken aback by the insistence on it but I think I'd work round it rather than not have my granddaughter to stay.
At seven years old it would be perfectly possible not to go in her bedroom yourselves, and you don't have to look at your granddaughter on the camera monitor if you feel you don't want to.

My daughter would be on the phone if she happens to be viewing the camera and finds GD awake or up playing so us not viewing it wouldn't be an option unfortunately.

Sara1954

Nicolette
I would feel the same, I think it’s horrible that the poor child never has any privacy, I don’t understand your daughters reason for it, has something happened to make her so suspicious?

The camera was originally meant for the car at night, so it's a surveillance camera. Somehow my daughter decided it was a better idea to use it on GD. She can also talk to her through it and zoom in and out. Now GD seems anxious when alone at night and I this has caused it. It would be strange enough if it was just an average baby monitor with audio.

Nicolette
I would feel the same, I think it’s horrible that the poor child never has any privacy, I don’t understand your daughters reason for it, has something happened to make her so suspicious?

GD doesn't have any medical issues. I feel she is now overly dependent on my daughter now after being watched on camera so closely. It just doesn't sit well with me at all. She needs privacy, as we all do and her emotional development seems to be stunted as she is very young for a 7 year old.
There isn't much point in having her sleep over because my daughter will still be parenting her via a camera in our home. If she thinks we are doing something wrong or not the way she wants us to she will be texting. It's like supervised access. We are very hurt by this and her spying on us via camera is a step too far.

I’m afraid I wouldn’t want this, I can’t see what her reasons are for wanting this, has she given any?
I think it’s becoming more common to have cameras in your home, but I would find it really invasive, and having a camera in a bedroom is surely an intrusion of privacy, even a young child needs somewhere to go to get away from it all

It sounds like a trust issue, but who doesn't your daughter trust?
Your granddaughter?
Her boyfriend?
You?
Your husband?
Is your granddaughter happy to have the camera watching her?

I'd certainly be taken aback by the insistence on it but I think I'd work round it rather than not have my granddaughter to stay.
At seven years old it would be perfectly possible not to go in her bedroom yourselves, and you don't have to look at your granddaughter on the camera monitor if you feel you don't want to.

This seems very invasive in your home. Your house - your rules.

Amended

Unless there is some important reason like a medical condition or sleepwalking, it's ridiculous to do this.

Unless there is some important reason like a medical condition or walking, it's ridiculous to do this.

I think she either trusts you to have her without the camera or you don’t have the child to stay, I certainly wouldn’t want it, especially if she is talking to the child when she should be sleeping.
Does the child sleepwalk or have nightmares? Ask your DD why she wants a camera in the room.