Do you “Mind ?”

I offered to do a day a week when my DGS1 was born. It was my choice and suited me and my DD1. I was still working f/t but could jiggle hours/work from home etc. so it worked!
I now look after bot sets of DGC 2x week after school. But if we wan to go away we just give advance notice and the DDs sort it! They are grateful for the support we provide and do not begrudge us if we plan a holiday! You have to do what suits you and your circumstances and be absolutely clear in communicating !

I echo these sentiments; I've told my DD (no children yet) that I will help her out when the time comes, but not a regular commitment and she is happy with that. I think communication is the key.

..... "5 days or less"

We childmind one day a week and occasional overnight stays or evening babysitting. It has always been clear that whenever we go away other arrangements have to be made and our son has never queried that. The arrangement like that works for us, but wouldn't if we were made to feel tied to the commitment and unable to go away! I feel we have the best of both worlds on babysitting! Only you though can decide what works for you! Whatever you decide it is very important and only fair to all concerned, to be very clear about what you can and are willing to do! That means that if you do one day a week or whatever then a clear discussion about what happens when you go away needs to happen before you start! We always give as much notice as we can and also for short breaks ( 5 or less) we try to our child minding day if possible! Enjoy being a granny!

I hav

I agree with sodapop, saggi you are doing to much, i always said i would not take or pick grandchildren up from school, i have just been asked to do this for one of my step grandchilldren as they have moved area and it means a new school, and there is no availability at after school club one night, i am dreading it because it means i will have to take a 30 minute bus journey with a 3 year old and 9 month old and a 20 minute walk to school then a return journey. Reading what you do saggi made me realise it hopefully wont be to bad.

Riverwalk, yes I do, I have four children who between them have eight children, three are school age so I have those at school holidays, the other five I have full time. The parents try to get holidays during the summer but I am never free of children, except on a Sunday. I try to have two weeks a year off. I have been doing it for 7 years since my first grandchild was born, and felt I had to offer to the others as they had children. Looking forward to the school holidays being over as I am shattered and need a bit of a break.

Saggi you are doing so much for everyone else you really need to take care of yourself now. Sit down with your family and agree some reductions in your caring role before you become ill. Make time for yourself you deserve it.

Me too.
I'm also amazed that adult children don't ever stop to consider whether it might be too much for their parent.

Bopeep do you really have various grandchildren 6 days a week and all the school holidays?

I say this every time we have these sorts of threads, but again I'm amazed at the amount of childcare you all provide!

^Homemade butternut squash (organic or course) stew for GC1....by the time others came along ‘have you any fish fingers in your freezer?^

So true, oldmeg

When my first grandchild was on the way i offered to have him when my daughter went back to work, that was 7 years ago, i now look after his brother, i also looked after my grandaughter and 2 other grandsons. From next week i am starting to look after an 8 month old grandson and his half sister. I have children everyday except sunday, and all the school holidays. My hubby hates that we dont get any time at weekends( he works all week) to do things ourselves. Looking back i wish i had not offered but they couldnt afford child care, and what you do for one child you have to do for the otheres. So my advice would be don't do it. As my daughters inlaws say to her whenever she asks for them to look after the children its our time now we have brought up our family now its your turn.

basslady how exciting to be waiting for a grandchild! When my DD1 had her first baby 10 years ago, I knew she would need to go to work again after a year mat leave. I was still working f/t but managed to readjust my hours and work arrangements so I could have a day a week to offer to reduce child care costs slightly. Eventually , once retired I offered 2 days mid week so that DH & I could still have long weekends away etc. All four of my DGC are now school age but I still look after them all after school two days a week. Not only does it save both DDs a bit of money on after school care but it means we have developed close relationships and the cousins are good mates too! It suits my DH & I but all families will be different. If we plan to go away we give plenty of advance notice so alternative arrangements can be made. My DDs are grateful for the support so no bad feeling if we ar e not always available. In the end you have to find what suits you and helps out too.

Like you I have a busy life now I am retired, and before my first granddaughter arrived 20 months ago I was quite sure I didn’t want to be anything more than a grandma who visited at the weekend, and perhaps did a bit of babysitting and emergency child minding. I totally unprepared for how completely I would fall in love with this tiny baby, and now mind her at least one day a week, and have had her to sleep over since she was four weeks old. ( She was very tiny and needed feeding every two hours, so I had her one night a week to give her exhausted parents a break.) since then two more grandchildren have arrived, and I am about to have my ten month old grandson two days a week, and I also look after my London based granddaughter occasionally. I love it, and am determined to carry on for as long as I can. Both my daughters have back ups for when I go on my fairly frequent holidays, so I am still able to do the things I enjoy, but I have to admit those things pale compared to the joy I get out of caring for my grandchildren.

I have cared regularly for my two grandchildren for the past ten years , while still working 30 hours a week. I looked after them on my 'days off' while my daughter worked. I also had my invalid husband to see to as well. I enjoyed thier early formative years. I had no car and no money for treats, but we made camps in the garden , dug for worms, made woodpiles for woodlice, weeded gardens, went to park and ate a lot of ice cream in the summers. Played in paddling pools built sand castles in the sandpit. All such wonderful memories and would do it again in a triceNow it's become more of a chore... I walk 3 miles to take the youngest to her school in morning ... Two buses home to do my housework and see to invalid hubby still... Walk 3 miles back in afternoon to pick up again and the feed the two of them when eldest gets home. Wait for daughter/ SIL to get home home then two buses back in by then horrendous traffic I do this two or three times per week. The return journey takes 1 hour to go three miles.I now do this three times a week and am now beginning to regret it all. I could cope with them being little but the continuous bickering of the youngest (5) against the eldest(11) is very wearing, my daughter and SIL are in the throes of splitting up and to be honest I can't wait for that to happen as the atmosphere has become intolerable!! The sooner the better I think. I've told my daughter that the child care will cease when I am 70 as I want at least a vestige of my life back, between a worsening ... immobile...moaning.... belligerent husband and the fighting parents and bickering kids I've had enough. I'm just saying be careful what you commit too, it's not easy to extricate yourself once you're 'locked 'in to something.

Don’t be too quick volunteer or bring up the subject, but silently make a decision of the most you are prepared to do, that way you will not be caught on the hop when the subject arises & you will feel more in control. I love my GC & do what I can but find being proactive about how long & how often can save feeling under pressure to agree to more than you are comfy with.( emergencies being the exception of course)

Its entirely up to you. Do what you want to do. There is no perfect answer. Having said that my daughter has been left alone with 2 children and much as it would tire me I will help her if she needs it. But that is special circumstances. I would NOT in normal circumstances and never did offer to commit regularly. No thank you. I love my grandchildren but I have things I like doing I know grandparents who love looking after gc and others who do it very resentfully.

Basslady - your daughter hasn’t asked you to do anything yet but before you decide against helping out, think about the benefits ie building a close relationship with your grand child. Would it be so difficult to offer one day a week? We are all different and want different things out of retirement but I wouldn’t have missed my 9 years of one day a week (with different children) for anything.

Don't offer one day a week, if you don't want to do that. There's no reason to assume you'll be asked to do more.

If you are asked to do regular childminding, then that is the time to state how much you are willing to do, or that you don't want to be tied down to anything regular.

I offered to do a days childminding when my DD was pregnant with her first DD1 almost 3 years ago and we have done the same day each week although the other GPS do another day so we can swap or they will stand in for us and vice versa if we have something on. That works for us as it is within school hours 9am until 3pm and DGD goes to nursery the other three days. Now DGD2 is 9 weeks and we will have her on the same day when DD returns to work. We knew for financial reasons she needed to work and we wanted to help. Now I am retired it is just one day out of five and we really enjoy having her.

My friend whose daughters gave birth to their first DC within a month or two of each other both asked my friend to do all childminding so she has ended up having 2 DGC at 1 year old on 2 days and 1 DGC on 1 day so 3 days in total each week from 7am until 6pm. Way too much for me and luckily my DD agrees.

The thing is though unless you commit to a regular day this wont help them out financially as nursery days are set so it is no help to them to say you want to look after the baby or toddler presumably by the time your DD returns to work on any day unless they are sick and cannot go to nursery. On that occasion they want mum anyway so personally I would offer 1 day a week before they ask you to do more.

Just you wait.
There will definitely be a time when your services will be required.
All new parents need a break occasionally.
Also, if they go back to work, you might find you will get put upon when you don’t really want it.
That’s what’s happened to me. My daughter often rings to ask babysit dgs, 3. I usually have stuff planned.
Coffee mornings, lunch, yoga classes etc.
But if course, if I say no I immediately feel guilty. So I end up missing out a lot on my social life.
I am 72 and would like to enjoy my retirement while I can.
So, enjoy your freedom while you can because once Gc come along, everything changes.

I looked after my DDs first born from when he was 10 months old until he was nearly 3 years old when she returned to work. Whilst I enjoyed it, I did find it very tiring - and expensive because in an effort to both entertain and wear him out I paid for him to go to Tumble Tots (starting with a Gym Babies and progressing from there) and when he was two I paid for nursery school (which, as I could leave him there gave me a small break). This came to an end when she went on maternity leave with DGC number 2 and never returned to work. I missed having him, but didn’t miss having to take him everywhere with me. Would I do it again? Probably, because I am too soft. My advice would be if you really don’t want your wings clipped just keep the babysitting to high days, holidays and emergencies. Congratulations, I’m sure you’ll enjoy being a grandmother.

Toy and Basslady... Far from 'clipping your wings'.... your grandchild will put the 'wind beneath them'

11 years ago I had a sick mother and a sick husband to worry about....then my grandson came along and I had him two days a week when mum went back to work....a private nursery had him rest of time at cost of £6000 per year. Could have gone to Eton on that money!!! Now I no longer have a sick mother who died when my grandson ( her 11th great-grandchild) was 6 months old!. I do still have an even sicker husband and a granddaughter. I take and fetch from school two days a week....fetch from school 1 day....so 3 days 'tied up'. All of which I do without a car which means I walk between 45/55 miles per week. I occasionally take two buses but find them slower and less reliable than 'shanks pony'!! Eleven years ago I weighed in at 11.5 stone....I'm now 9.12 and fitter than I've been in 20 years. Childcare is the cheapest AND the most pleasant way to keep fit and keep your brain working. U3A not a patch on an 11 and 6 year old for keeping you on your toes. Do the childcare...and enjoy it. Oh... and leave the car in the garage!

I wasn't over excited when DD told us she was pregnant and my attitude was very much "Your baby, you look after it" She was going to go back to work after six months and spent ages looking at nurseries. It was at that point that I realised how appalled I was at the thought of strangers looking after him. Result - I retired and looked after him for five days a week until he went to school.It was such fun!