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Fighting grandsons - what to do?

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mcem Sat 04-Mar-17 11:34:05

Mine are 8 - GS and 7 - GD and at times squabble unbearably. I use a variation of the naughty step. Into an empty room each with NO tv, tablet or books for 5 mins.
If there's a repeat, then it's 10 mins (and that's a very rare occurrence).
Not quite how mum handles it but she has no problem with what I do!

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Ankers Sat 04-Mar-17 11:19:02

I would do two things about the older one.

Write things down. If he cant remember what has been said by his mum, write it all down. Then he has no excuse.

I would also do as what happens for annodomini, and separate off the older one for 10 minutes when he misbehaves.

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annodomini Sat 04-Mar-17 10:29:09

Your GSs are not unique, Granny11i. I don't live close enough to care for mine (now 9 and 11) but a weekend visit can be quite wearing at times. There's a lot of winding up and retaliation going on and too often it gets physical. The younger one is a big lad, catching his brother up in height and exceeding him in weight. So it's by no means an unequal contest. Luckily the younger now has the tactic of retreating to his bedroom to read or play on his iPad. When they are doing things like playing tennis or kayaking, they are fine. I am glad they aren't able to come to my too-small house. At least in their house they can be separated and each has his own domain. There is no rule that says that brothers should be close. My two DSs get on well enough but don't have very much in common.

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GrannyA11i Sat 04-Mar-17 09:58:43

Following on from the thread about getting tired looking after grandchildren I would like to ask how others approach the issue of the dcs fighting whilst in their care. I have 2 dgs 9 and 5 and little dgd not quite 2. I mind dg one full day a week and do the school run for the other two. It's the after school bit with the three of them which really gets me down. We can have a lovely chat in the car and all is fine and then once we reach their house it starts - usually the older one winds up his brother until he retaliates or they argue and physically hurt each other over who is having the x box first! DD has laid down rules which they fully understand but still argue with both telling tales about the other etc. All this while I'm keeping an eye on the little one and making sure the dog has gone outside!

I started ignoring it as my husband said they're not 'fighting' it's just what brothers do but felt I had a duty of care to the 5 year old especially and can't ignore them if he is getting hurt. It's got to the point where we can not have all 3 at our house in the holidays as it's just awful and not enjoyable. DD is not lax with her discipline and has raised them all with an expectation of respect for adults but the older one just doesn't seem to remember anything she's said! When we have just the younger two they will do as they are told and calm down if things begin to get out of hand. DD has the same problems at home too and has tried many things to sort it but it's different for us -I don't want my time with them ruined by constantly having to tell them off and mediate! We had 2 boys and a girl ourselves so it's not like I haven't had experience of this situation either!

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