Cinderella - The Gransnet Panto!

'Okay! Where this prince then? Lead me to him - let's see what he's really like!'

Oxonella was already Cinderella

'I don't know me lines. I can play it by 'ere if you get another prompt person..'

No my duty
is as Sleeping Beauty

PLEASE - someone step up and DO Cinders.

The Countess of Bloody Nowhere bitches: 'OOOOh, who does she think she is, that tart in the Jimmy Choos? Bet she got them off Ebay.'

Sleeping Beauty:

Laughs at Cinderella heading for a fall
Finally on her way to the ball
Sneering at her tiny feet
Sniffling from eating too much wheat
Fairy Godmother you make me laugh
Cinders still looks like a chaff

I dunno - Faye, do you want to?

OOOOOH........now it gets exciting! (who is Cinders?)

'sORRY - i'LL COME BACK - FORGOT cINDERS...' cOACH RETURNS..

'ew trying to pick a fight love? Yew and 'oos army.
Right then Cinders stand still now
In a mo I'll take a bow
Here's a frock and here's a hair
Here's the makeup and the pair
Of Jimmy Choos now you take care
Don't break your leg when you climb the stair

Poooooofffffffff Cinders is transformed into here designer outfit and J. Choos with 5 inch heels

have a great time babe, see you in the mornin
But one last thing, all this bling will disappear on the final stroke of midnight...
Exits to huge applause

(Coach departs with the coachman singing loudly 'Oh, the Deadwood Stage is coming on over the hill..........')
'Who is Cinders, who is shee..........mAYBE i AM A BIT.............'

Ooooops! You can tell I'm champing at the bit!

OK - cat now coachman and FG back in posh togs Do we have Cinders in that coach/Maserati? To the ball..................................

OK - cat now coachman and FG back in posh togs Do we have Cinders in that coach/Maserati? To the ball..................................

FG, To audience.
Which designer should i go for with the frock thing. McQueen perhaps? He's pretty good at doing princessy? Or should I go for more of a red carpet McCartney look. OOOOOOO what about a Westwood. That would put the coachman amongst the pigeons woudn't it. Big decision as this gig is going to be on the front of Hello

FG1 is here again.
Gosh, she is a total pain.
Cinders – how much longer shall we tarry?
How about you marry Harry?

Critic: Reminds me of Bill Bryson on cricket: the only game (pantomime) to incorporate meal breaks.

Cinders, impressed 'Oh! That is so much better that that old car. I had to bloody walk back, you know! Let's go!.'
(She's forgotten how she 's dressed. - and she still needs a coachman. Grab the cat, FG.)

Faye!! Cat now coachman! Faye for Cinders!! You're wasted as a mouse!

Join the team you tiny mouse
We've got to get cinders our of this house
Pooofffff

Just how long does this method acting take. Here I am on stage in this old woman's disguise. I think I'll get back into my fairy wings cleavage and lycra look while I'm waiting. Ah that's better. (gives wings a shake, coachman/cat cheers up)

Waiting still, I am a mouse
Sitting in this dirty house
Fairy godmother will you please
Make me into something with ease
Wave your wand, I will be a horse
You will find I can stay the course

Fairy Godmother: 'hang on a minute - just need some new batteries in this wand. I've got some down my bra - I knew it was getting a bit low.' Fiddles with wand....

'Right! KAABOOOMMMMM!!!!! Oh, sorry, there's a bit too much charge in there now. Never mind, nothing will go wrong now, surely.....?'

Pouffffff the cat is now a coachman. Fit, eh? Nice butt.
FG slaps coachman/cat's butt and he shows his teeth and claws. But in a good way.